My relationship with writing and dancing, performing and sharing, even teaching has shifted dramatically over the past few years. With the new world of content creators, social media influences, and virtual masterminds, it seems everyone has something to say and is in desperate need of getting it out there! And maybe they are. But, why?
It felt different writing a blog in the age in which algorithms didn't yet rule our lives. It was small scale, small potatoes and not something many people were drawn to doing. Now, microblogging through twitter or visual blogging through Instagram, or any of the other formats is so fast and easy and accessible that it is the norm. Everyone consumes and most contribute. There is so much content being created on a daily basis that I can't actually conceptualize the magnitude. And, now my little project is just another water molecule in a sea that has no limit and keeps growing and growing.
This blog is completely self-absorbed. What I have to say or share is not something I take time to research or curate. I don't to market research, and I don't want to. I don't want money, and I'm not looking for popularity or even acclaim necessarily. Mostly I just need to sort through things for myself and feel that at the very least I have said my piece as proof that I have not (yet) been swallowed up by the world.
Here is the current state of affairs:
The tsunami of information that comes my way as a part of my daily work is too much to process. It hurts me.
I have been teaching dance for 28 years. I am 42 years old.
I am a passionate dance maker and performer.
I see the world and question everything.
I'm sensitive and hurt when I see other hurting.
I often wonder if we are missing the mark on this life.
I am creative and use expression as a means for making sense of the world.
I hope my work brings a sense of joy and awe into the world. Or, at least into me.
Sharing is a big part of my feeling connected and significant as an individual. (I recognize that this could be a faulty and problematic belief. . .)
I acknowledge by shortcomings and foibles. In fact, I dwell in them frequently.
What I am wondering now is who cares? Or rather why is it that I care that my work (whether writing or dance) does not exist in the vacuum of my own mind or my own computer hard drive? How can I uncouple my creative needs from hitting the publish button on this blog? Should I? Or is this part of the fabric of my humanity? My human weakness and strength may reside in my need to make sense of the world for myself through the arts. . .
AND its seems that the only way I am able to motivate myself to sort out the madness in me is through an intentional making for sharing process.
The making for sharing. The making in service to self and other.
I know many others feel uncertain about sharing their inner voice and may identify with my worry that their voice will get lost in the tidal wave of new posts of the day only to be floated down the stream of the forgotten moments by the next wave of cute animal photos and pop culture memes. Some posts will hit it big (largely due to probability) and the maker may be forever changed. Others will ride the viral train for a while and then go back to normal life as the info stream closes up the gap behind them.
We enjoy fascinating narratives of success, but of course, the success narrative is something we construct in hindsight as we grapple to make sense of the world. But, all of this is beside the point to some degree. The real question remains, what needs to be said? by whom? for whom?
I might just be saying this for myself. But, working through even this small piece is essential. There is likely little to no change that will happen "out there" as a result of this post. But, I am in need of the change inside.
The inside change is the whole point. If this is what it takes, let it be.
And, yes, this blog feels safer to me that other platforms. It is still public. It is still accessible. Searchable. Making its digital thumbprint in the mega computers in the sky. But, it is its own digital location separate from the stream. It is long format. Chances are only a handful of people are reading this far. (I'm not sure I would have either if I hadn't written it!)
But, that is ok. If just one person finds it helpful, super! All is well. At the very least, I can know I didn't just jump back into the fray of scrolling through a forgettable stream of brain candy. And, I sorted something out for the moment. To be resorted again and again as time passes, as the world changes, as life unfolds.
In awe.
Beth
