First World Problems: Stealing

Stealing sucks.  

Over the weekend, while I was in Fresno with my dance company, my car window was smashed and the thief took my backpack (containing my month old MacBook Pro, iPad, iPod nano and video camera) and my bag full of props (big bells, tap shoes, costume bits etc.) for our show.  

It sucked.  But, I found myself responding my repeating this mantra over and over:

 "It is just stuff. I am healthy and safe, my loved one's are healthy and safe and in general things are ok. This is just a first world problem not the end of the world"

I was on my way to teach a master dance class, so I actually went with a couple dancers while the others did costume and prop recognizance.  I was shaken, but I didn't cry.  I got to the studio explained why I was late and began the class. 

"Lie down on the floor and notice your breath. Arrive fully in this moment. . . "  

Admittedly I was saying it for myself as much as I was for them. But I did realize that in that moment everything was fine. I was safe and healthy doing something I love.  Yes, I was going to have to deal with the sh*tty aspect of filing a police report and getting a new computer and spending $3,000 more dollars to replace things I has just purchased in January.  But, in that teaching moment, everything was just as it needed to be.  The students were lying on the wooden floor, breathing, noticing, observing and experiencing.  

The class went well better than I expected under the circumstances, and when I got back to the house at which we were staying, I learned my friend's husband had already taken my car to get the window fixed and the dancers had managed to find or purchase nearly all the needed props.  

The show that day went brilliantly. We rallied and the ensemble was the strongest it has ever been. It was a fantastic show and we managed to get it on tape so hopefully I will have something to post on YouTube soon!   

Of course, I was emotionally spent from the whole event and feeling awfully guilty and embarrassed for having left the computer and prop bags in the car at all.   But, I felt so honored that those around me came to my aid with such love and compassion  My dancers and my dear friend Cristal whose house we were staying at managed to take care of virtually everything.

I tried to leave money on the counter to pay Cristal and her husband back for all they bought and paid for, but upon leaving the city found the same wad of cash nestled in the center console of my car. Similarly, I was given an envelop containing another handful of $20's from the students and their families.  I was overwhelmed with their generosity.

I realize that I am loved.  

I have spent the last three days processing the whole event. Buying a new computer (which I am typing on right now), a new iPad and trying to reclaim data from my external hard drive. And, I keep repeating "This is just a first world problem. . . " 

 I feel like I am almost put back together.  Emotionally and logistically.  But I could not have done it alone.

With deep gratitude and appreciation to all who cam to my aid,

Beth

PS  The computer is now listed as "nando's macBook" in Selma on find my iPhone.  And, I tell you if my mom ever gets to Selma and find's "nando" that guy better watch out because my mom is raving mad and I wouldn't put it past her to do some serious damage. 

This picture is from "Belle of the Bowl". The crazy big ass bell was stolen in the prop bag and will be sorely missed.  I can't imagine what the thieves thought when they opened our bag and found that!  

Childless in Suburbia

I am 31.  My new husband is nearly 41.  We do not have children and so far are not planning on having them.  But I am realizing that not having children is tougher than it looks and not just for the reasons you are imagining right now (haha!-- You!).

Being childless and specifically choosing to be childless is not the norm. Perhaps we would fit in better in Germany where birth rate is way down or a big city where all the people are career driven and "independent." But, here in suburban America, we are the oddballs, and because we are the odd-couple-out in family oriented Simi Valley, it is highlighted most every day. 

For instance, yesterday was Halloween.  And, up go all the pictures of all the children in their (ridiculously) cute costumes in emails and on facebook.  Scrolling down my fb news feed, I see picture after picture of cute toddlers romping around in cozy costumes.  And, and I can't help but think. "Wow. . . I am living a very different life." 

I don't want this to be misinterpreted as bitter.  It is really much more of an observation about my life, where I live, my relatives and their life spaces.  I realize that I am not experiencing life the way so many couples are living life right now. I am not concerned with the elementary schools in my district, whether there is a dress code, how I am going to afford a child's tuition, nor how I am going to keep them awake and smiling through their drowsy-tantrum time before bed. 

I have to believe I am just as busy and concerned in my daily life, just about other things. But, because I am not experiencing life in the same way as my friends and family members, it is hard to create a feeling of being "in it" together.  I am realizing more and more how friends are born out of enduring the same or similar life challenges. Getting through undergrad or grad school, putting on a performance, competing in the same bowling league.  When you are in it together, you can't help but connect.  The same enemy drives you together whether it be, late night papers, lack of sleep, giving a shouting kid a time out or losing on a 7/10 split to your rival team. 

So, it is hard to hold a conversation about feeling depressed or stressed at work when your poor friend or sister is up to her ears in dirty laundry, a screaming child, dinner burning on the stove and a child coloring the walls.  And, likewise who am I to offer her advice or comfort! 

It creates an unfortunate gap that takes more effort to overcome than I expected.  I will go so far as to say that it takes more effort to maintain a long and established friendship with someone who is currently not "in it" with you than someone new who is "in it".  Being "in it" together makes the here and now relevant for both parties.  

We shall see how things shift as toddlers become children, become adolescents. . . But according to my mom (who is both wise and observant) life with children is always about children. (Perhaps it would be less so if my sister and I didn't call her so regularly through out the week! Love ya Mom!)

I say all this with the full knowledge that I may change my mind and that Dan and I may decide that we will have children.  But, for now the decision and the observation stand, and I am left to wonder who else might be in my life space so we can be "in it" together.