Too much time... Too much to say.

The challenge of NOT blogging is that then I am stuck with so many different topics and ideas to write about that I can't seem to write about anything. So, the following is a mismash of ideas. No promises and no guarantees.  Plus, I am typing on a German keyboard so the z and the y are switched and ä is where the ' should be.  Soooo. Fogive the madness that might ensue with my typing. 

Notes on the Now

Travel:  traveling is a trip. And, I mean that in the head trip sort of fashion.  There is all at once so much to do and in some ways so little. Routine and daily patterns go out the door leaving me feel tired, but then when I look at my day I have done relatively little to show for my fatigue.  Strange. 

Traveling in a place with a different language:  As if learning a new location isn't enough of a challenge then you have the language challenge.  This of course adds the extra burden on myenergy, but in my opinion it is one of the primary reasons one should travel.  When I spend a day in Germany (where I am now) just reading in German, watching TV in German, and having little logistical conversations in German I understand the daily life of Germany and my learning and reflections on the whole process is enough for me.  Yes, seeing the local castle today was wonderful, but that for me is extra. The language is one of the windows into the culture that provides insight that just being a tourist cannot.  So, I am trying to enjoy the practice even though it is exhausting.

Being a dancer at a Wedding:  I came to Germany this time around to attend my dear friend Katrin's Wedding.  We were exchange students in high school. I stayed with her in Germany first and then she stayed with me the second half of the year.  Her wedding was a blast, set in a picturesque little town (by German standards a village) where they vint wine!  Being a dancer at a wedding can be terrible. Sometimes people expect you to want to dance, or maybe they just want to watch you dance. This can be a bummer and can make me want to dance less. But sometimes, when the mood is right is dancing just the thing! At the wedding I was able to dance with eveyone and help everone enjoy themselves.  It wasn't trying to be a leader or a teacher or anyone special, but I was free to dance and I felt that my energy was contagious.  I also knew how to lead my friend in a partner dance, swinging her around the dance floor like a princess.  Great fun. 

Writing while traveling:  I am not sure why but I have been struggling to write during this trip.  I brought my peotry notebook with the hope of recording everything wonderful and inspirational that I see.  And I have written daily, but I am finding it challenging to write in English and speak in German. So, I keep mixing them up.  Also, I am learning that writing can bring me into a situation more fully (quiet moments on the balcony or before I sleep at night) but can also distract me from the moment as I am in the thick of an exerience.  I have been here 4 days, so I still have 6 left to practice this balance.  Perhaps it is just new and different.  Maybe I will see the value of what I write later when I return home. 

Plan:  Tomorrow Basel, Wednesday Lausanne and Friday Luzern.  Being in Lörrach on the Swiss border allows me to explore another country, an expensive one, but an exciting one as well!

Bis Später!

Ich kann nicht mehr. Ich brech' zusammen

Ich kann nicht mehr. Ich brech' zusammen

There is this fantastic phrase in German.  (My German friends who read this will promptly tell me what I have misspelled; I am sure. But, having learned this phrase over a decade ago and still remembering it as well as I do, I give myself props.)

It means: "I can do no more. I break together." 


Well, that is the literal translation. The meaning translates into. "I am done. I can't do anymore."

But it just doesn't sound as good in English.


I have been ill with a cold and today I stayed home to rest. While I committed myself to resting physically, today quickly became a guilt ridden day of following up on old emails that have long since been pushed into the "next" pages of my Yahoo mail, catching up with grading and following up with work emails that needed to be addressed in a timely manner regardless of whether or not snot is running out my nose.


So, I spent the day "resting" in front of my computer screen, in a hard backed chair with a wicker seat that has left permanent imprints on the backs of my thighs.  I don't own a computer chair.  Why would I when I can enjoy the ripples of red indentations for hours after a computer session? Sexy.


I got a lot done today.  That is the good news.  The bad news is that I have nearly given myself an anxiety attack in the meantime.  Sometimes being less reminded of your commitments and obligations really is better for the mental health.  But, alas, then on your day of rest you can't rest at all.  Hence today. 


I tested my conviction for getting things done on the computer by NOT opening up Twitter, Facebook or this blog until the end.  That wasn't the hard part for me.  The hardest part (beside the wicker seat and wooden chair back) was knowing that some people sit at their computers all day everyday.  I would probably die. Or at least gain 400 pounds. As it was I ate, 2 slices of PB toast, coffee, a pot of Rostaroma tea with soy milk, two HUGE steamed artichokes (with mayo of course),  and four healthy sized pancakes with maple syrup for dinner. All while sitting at the good ol' computer.   Oh, and nearly the whole dish of raw almonds sitting to my left.

Side Note: Artichokes are not the best food to eat at the computer because you can't type and eat them very well at the same time, and if you alternate the keyboard gets all messy.


With all that said and done, Ich kann nicht mehr.  I think I might actually break together. Right onto my bed. Teaches me to try to stay home and rest.  Good riddance.