Hello from Ohio State University!
I have been here 3 days and my brain is officially fried. Excited, inspired, curious and fried.
I am here for two weeks taking a Labanotation teaching certification course in which we will learn not only to teach dance notation theory, but practice integrating it into our various classrooms. It is the perfect launching point for my sabbatical starting in fall.
But, I am not here to write about my adventures in notation but about what it means to be ourselves and to trust ourselves in a learning process. We hit the ground running. . . on day 2 we were asked to teach a 30 min sample Labanotation lesson! Yikes! I ended up with circular pathways which is a huge concept that requires a lot of spatial and kinesthetic intelligence to get through the theory. I taught my class-- and I pretty much bombed it. It was good for me.
Ok. So, I didn't fall apart completely, but according to my standards of pedagogical perfection-- I was close.
I have been pretty successful in my life and confronting moments in which I am only partially successful is something I am actively working on. There is a great theory by Carol Dweck called the Mindset theory. Her book on the subject basically explains the difference between people who believe they are born with or without talent/skill and those who believe it is something learned.
While I believe that people can learn (I intellectually know that I am a person), I am still stuck with a heart-centered belief that if I don't do something right the first time, I am simply not good enough. So, I am actively working on this issue.
Before I even went into the class I told myself, just do what you do and see what happens. Yet, I got the dry erase marker in my hand, my computer hooked up and BAM! Total self trust panic! While my head knew this was a learning experience, my heart wanted to be perfect. More specifically-- I wanted these people to like me! My heart wanted validation that I have self worth through the opinion of the people in front of me.
Now, if there are people whose opinion would matter, these instructors are the ones. These women are kind, compassionate and fiercely intelligent. These are great individuals in the field of dance notation and in life. So, I'm not crazy for wanting their approval and wanting their praise. My feedback sheets from them directly reflected my subjective experience of mediocrity (not terrible, but with lots of room for improvement). And, it was at that point that I crumbled emotionally. *sigh*
I had tried so hard to trust myself in the process, independent of others (and their perceived expectations), but I had fallen into the pit again. I panicked, and in the attempt to prove myself, compromised some of the skills I know I have. I was trying to please and that was my downfall.
So, when it was all over, I was spent. Spent from the effort of trying to change. Spent from the experience of panic. Spent from the emotional let down.
But, I recovered. And, that is the real lesson. Beyond my circular pathways. I am learning how to become a learner who trusts in the process of learning, who doesn't need to be perfect the first time and will not be crushed when confronting a learning curve.
And, next time my recovery time will be shorter. Then shorter again. Then one day perhaps I won't fall into that trap at all. Perhaps I will reach a place in which I can experience the learning process without a stitch of desire for unreasonable-immediate-perfection. Learning is tough.
But, if I can learn to treat myself with compassion with learning-- then I truly will be able to learn anything.
How do you confront your learning? What challenges have you faced in your learning? When do you expect yourself to "get it right"? The first time? After three times? What are your learning right now and how can you be more compassionate with yourself in the process?
Showing posts with label motif. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motif. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Fighting Dance Discrimination with Dance Literacy
If you are a dancer, you know what is feels like to be a part of the "forgotten art form."
Granted, it is tough being an artist of any sort, but within the family of performing arts, dance has notoriously been at the end of the line. Dance only recently graduated from PE (where is still lives for some dance departments) within the last 50 years. Yes, we are more than exercise. Gasp!
I teach within the California Community College system and am very, very proud to be a faculty member at Moorpark College. I love teaching. I love it so much it hurts sometimes. (Yes, teaching has made me cry-- more than once!)
And, it particularly hurts in times of budget cuts and "restructuring."
Currently, community dance departments are under the gun to rewrite their curriculum in order to essentially "save" their departments. This comes in the demand for leveled courses within each genre, with different learning objective and different content for each.
Hmmmmm. A good challenge for this recently born area of academic study. Because, of course the arts are ultimately immeasurable. At least, not in the same way that you can assess a student's ability to add 2 + 2 (hint: it's 4). In dance 2 + 2 might equal 5 or 6 or 0, depending on the aesthetic and artistic goal of the creator. Soooo. . .
Tonight I sat down at my computer to decipher for the "non dancer" how I can determine whether a dancer is Level I, II, III or IV. And, here is the hitch: It is not just mechanics. It is not as simple as someone performing a single, double then triple pirouette. Every dancer knows this, as does every audience member at a performance. But, where is the language to effectively describe the difference?
I believe this lack of language, this lack of literacy within (and without) the field is what is ultimately holding dance back as celebrated field of academic study. So, what am I going to do about it?
Well, shucks. I'm am going to find the words. Then I'm going to use them, and then I am going to teach them. I will teach them so often that they become household phrases! I will teach them until they are used on billboards, in puns and as Facebook status updates! Yes, the dance language will prevail!
But, back to the issue at hand. . . These d@mn course outlines of record.
I sat down, I got quiet, and then I got honest and this is what I came up with.
Level I performance is about gross motor skills. Can you be on the correct foot at the correct time in the correct space? If you can, then you are a level I dancer.
Level II performance is about coordination and increased complexity, strength, control and endurance. Can you be on the correct foot at the correct time in the correct place EVEN when it gets tricky AND when it lasts for longer than 2 minutes?
Level III performance is about adding depth to your performance. Can you do all the stuff you did before AND even more complex patterns WHILE modulating your dynamic energy so there is "texture" and "character" in your performance? Haha! That's the rub.
Level IV performance is about doing ALL of the above AND helping others out in the meantime. Can you do all that you need to do AND see the big picture? Take it for the team? Make the whole better even if it means you may not get to be the star? Can you do all of this, while still cultivating variety and subtlety in your performance? And most importantly can you do this without acting like a jerk?
Of course, I couldn't put that last part about being a jerk on the formal state document (but I wanted to!). So there you have it. If you were to take dance performance 4 times from me, THAT is what I would want to see in you. Of course. . . now I need to get the rest of the state on my band wagon.
Wish me luck!
(P.S. I realize that this post does nothing to address the fact that students learn dance and it various aspects (physical, emotional, energetic, character) at different paces-- but since the state budget doesn't care about that, I have decided to leave that topic for another time.)
Granted, it is tough being an artist of any sort, but within the family of performing arts, dance has notoriously been at the end of the line. Dance only recently graduated from PE (where is still lives for some dance departments) within the last 50 years. Yes, we are more than exercise. Gasp!
I teach within the California Community College system and am very, very proud to be a faculty member at Moorpark College. I love teaching. I love it so much it hurts sometimes. (Yes, teaching has made me cry-- more than once!)
And, it particularly hurts in times of budget cuts and "restructuring."
Currently, community dance departments are under the gun to rewrite their curriculum in order to essentially "save" their departments. This comes in the demand for leveled courses within each genre, with different learning objective and different content for each.
Hmmmmm. A good challenge for this recently born area of academic study. Because, of course the arts are ultimately immeasurable. At least, not in the same way that you can assess a student's ability to add 2 + 2 (hint: it's 4). In dance 2 + 2 might equal 5 or 6 or 0, depending on the aesthetic and artistic goal of the creator. Soooo. . .
Tonight I sat down at my computer to decipher for the "non dancer" how I can determine whether a dancer is Level I, II, III or IV. And, here is the hitch: It is not just mechanics. It is not as simple as someone performing a single, double then triple pirouette. Every dancer knows this, as does every audience member at a performance. But, where is the language to effectively describe the difference?
I believe this lack of language, this lack of literacy within (and without) the field is what is ultimately holding dance back as celebrated field of academic study. So, what am I going to do about it?
Well, shucks. I'm am going to find the words. Then I'm going to use them, and then I am going to teach them. I will teach them so often that they become household phrases! I will teach them until they are used on billboards, in puns and as Facebook status updates! Yes, the dance language will prevail!
But, back to the issue at hand. . . These d@mn course outlines of record.
I sat down, I got quiet, and then I got honest and this is what I came up with.
Level I performance is about gross motor skills. Can you be on the correct foot at the correct time in the correct space? If you can, then you are a level I dancer.
Level II performance is about coordination and increased complexity, strength, control and endurance. Can you be on the correct foot at the correct time in the correct place EVEN when it gets tricky AND when it lasts for longer than 2 minutes?
Level III performance is about adding depth to your performance. Can you do all the stuff you did before AND even more complex patterns WHILE modulating your dynamic energy so there is "texture" and "character" in your performance? Haha! That's the rub.
Level IV performance is about doing ALL of the above AND helping others out in the meantime. Can you do all that you need to do AND see the big picture? Take it for the team? Make the whole better even if it means you may not get to be the star? Can you do all of this, while still cultivating variety and subtlety in your performance? And most importantly can you do this without acting like a jerk?
Of course, I couldn't put that last part about being a jerk on the formal state document (but I wanted to!). So there you have it. If you were to take dance performance 4 times from me, THAT is what I would want to see in you. Of course. . . now I need to get the rest of the state on my band wagon.
Wish me luck!
(P.S. I realize that this post does nothing to address the fact that students learn dance and it various aspects (physical, emotional, energetic, character) at different paces-- but since the state budget doesn't care about that, I have decided to leave that topic for another time.)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
We can't all win the lottery… Or can we?
I realized yesterday, as I was slugging through my long unattended email, that I hate checking my email. Rather, I always knew that I hated checking my email, but last night I think I have finally sorted out why.
There is just too much information and too many "calls to action". I can't handle it, and it makes me feel terrible. I have a similar response to going on Facebook. It seems to me that most people on Facebook truly enjoying sharing part of their lives and have fun commenting and "liking" this or that picture, video, event or link. I, on the other hand, log onto Facebook with a sigh, a heavy feeling of obligation that just doesn't seem right.
I have a pretty full life, I am active and productive in my career and in my hobbies. People think of me as a busy person who is high achieving. So, I guess it's probably true, but I don't feel high achieving. I feel like I am barely getting through, and often I get very disappointed that I haven't done more. Or, done what I do better. So, I am constantly working, and as a result I don't have time to even read through all my email let alone the Facebook postings on my home page.
Plus, when I do get around to addressing my hundreds of emails and Facebook event invites, I have no choice but to decline or bypass most of them because I am too busy with my own projects and events.
But, here lies the root of the problem as I see it.
Each person has his or her own agenda, own project, own web series, own kickstarter, own performance, own blog, own Etsy, own e-paper. We have become a world of self starters (empowered to make our own project a success!) myself included. After all, I have my own dance company and I have my own blog (obviously as you are reading it). And, yes, I hope that people will support my endeavors by attending my shows and reading my blog. But, why? Or rather, why should people chose my project or show over another?
Yes, we can all write blogs and produce performances, but if we are all busy on the creating end, then we are too busy to be on the receiving/supporting end. Sure, we can all start our own projects and kickstarter funds, but are there enough supporters and funds to go around? Is there enough room for everyone to be successful? Can every lottery ticket be a winner?
I want to support the projects that come through my email and Facebook.
Here are a list of projects I supported (in some way with my time and energy) yesterday:
1. My friend Lauren Reeder's Web Series "Living with Models"
2. A survey on Motif Notation and Emotions (Dance Notation Research)
3. MixMatch Festival
4. Nancy Evans Dance Theater
5. My friend Gina's Recovery Blog (about eating disorders)
Out of the myriad requests that were sent to me, those are the only five I had time to address. But, I can't do that everyday! I am playing catch up! This is how I spend my vacation.
We are living in a time when we are all individuals working toward individual or perhaps small group goals. Many of us have moved away from dedicating our lives to a large group organization, church or a club (Rotary or Kiwanis). We are working toward self defined goals that can be very exciting, but I think it is coming at a cost, because it is scattering our energies and perhaps even sabotaging the larger success of a few ideas.
But, whose idea is worthy? Whose project deserves the greater success? Who holds the winning lottery ticket?
Megill & Company (my dance company) has an opportunity to go to Istanbul next summer. At least, the trip is in the works. Of course the challenge will be financing the trip. Do I create a kickstarter? Do I try my hand in the lottery of projects, beseeching my friends and family to support my creative endeavors over someone else's project?
I am torn.
Do you support something? Many things?
How would it feel to just support other people for a while? To let go of my own projects and pour my energy into something bigger? Could I affect more change? It is very confusing for me as an artist.
One thing is clear, I create because I have to create, and I know I won't ever be able to let that go. I believe my choreography is a form of social service. It is my gift to the world. So, whether i like it or not, I guess my lottery ticket is in the pool.
In the meantime, I will be more mindful of others projects and see if there isn't a way I can better support them and their endeavors just as I hope they will support mine.
There is just too much information and too many "calls to action". I can't handle it, and it makes me feel terrible. I have a similar response to going on Facebook. It seems to me that most people on Facebook truly enjoying sharing part of their lives and have fun commenting and "liking" this or that picture, video, event or link. I, on the other hand, log onto Facebook with a sigh, a heavy feeling of obligation that just doesn't seem right.
I have a pretty full life, I am active and productive in my career and in my hobbies. People think of me as a busy person who is high achieving. So, I guess it's probably true, but I don't feel high achieving. I feel like I am barely getting through, and often I get very disappointed that I haven't done more. Or, done what I do better. So, I am constantly working, and as a result I don't have time to even read through all my email let alone the Facebook postings on my home page.
Plus, when I do get around to addressing my hundreds of emails and Facebook event invites, I have no choice but to decline or bypass most of them because I am too busy with my own projects and events.
But, here lies the root of the problem as I see it.
Each person has his or her own agenda, own project, own web series, own kickstarter, own performance, own blog, own Etsy, own e-paper. We have become a world of self starters (empowered to make our own project a success!) myself included. After all, I have my own dance company and I have my own blog (obviously as you are reading it). And, yes, I hope that people will support my endeavors by attending my shows and reading my blog. But, why? Or rather, why should people chose my project or show over another?
Yes, we can all write blogs and produce performances, but if we are all busy on the creating end, then we are too busy to be on the receiving/supporting end. Sure, we can all start our own projects and kickstarter funds, but are there enough supporters and funds to go around? Is there enough room for everyone to be successful? Can every lottery ticket be a winner?
I want to support the projects that come through my email and Facebook.
Here are a list of projects I supported (in some way with my time and energy) yesterday:
1. My friend Lauren Reeder's Web Series "Living with Models"
2. A survey on Motif Notation and Emotions (Dance Notation Research)
3. MixMatch Festival
4. Nancy Evans Dance Theater
5. My friend Gina's Recovery Blog (about eating disorders)
Out of the myriad requests that were sent to me, those are the only five I had time to address. But, I can't do that everyday! I am playing catch up! This is how I spend my vacation.
We are living in a time when we are all individuals working toward individual or perhaps small group goals. Many of us have moved away from dedicating our lives to a large group organization, church or a club (Rotary or Kiwanis). We are working toward self defined goals that can be very exciting, but I think it is coming at a cost, because it is scattering our energies and perhaps even sabotaging the larger success of a few ideas.
But, whose idea is worthy? Whose project deserves the greater success? Who holds the winning lottery ticket?
Megill & Company (my dance company) has an opportunity to go to Istanbul next summer. At least, the trip is in the works. Of course the challenge will be financing the trip. Do I create a kickstarter? Do I try my hand in the lottery of projects, beseeching my friends and family to support my creative endeavors over someone else's project?
I am torn.
Do you support something? Many things?
How would it feel to just support other people for a while? To let go of my own projects and pour my energy into something bigger? Could I affect more change? It is very confusing for me as an artist.
One thing is clear, I create because I have to create, and I know I won't ever be able to let that go. I believe my choreography is a form of social service. It is my gift to the world. So, whether i like it or not, I guess my lottery ticket is in the pool.
In the meantime, I will be more mindful of others projects and see if there isn't a way I can better support them and their endeavors just as I hope they will support mine.
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