I am.
And, it’s ridiculous because I try soooo hard NOT to
care. And, yet, I do. I DO!
Granted, I don’t care enough about my appearance to put on
make up in the morning or use product or electrical devices to achieve a “hair
do,” but I still want it. And, I get
jealous. That’s right! I said it! I get jealous!
And, chances are you do, too.
Maybe not all the time, but at least every once in a while,
right? . . . (I squinch up my eyes . . . please say yes. . . :-/ )
The truth is, I lead a pretty darn amazing life. With a lot of great, wonderful, fantastic
elements to it! And yet, I find myself getting all caught up in a tizzy over
someone’s provocative Instagram post, or latest Facebook profile pic or
ostentatious Tweet that they had the “best day in the world!”
The thing is, life is life, and last time I checked. . .
It’s not all bright and shiny!
At least my life isn’t, but somehow I feel at times like I
am in a competition to impress the world with the best, tone-enhanced, square
image possible (that will ultimately be forgotten tomorrow. Or, rather, in the
next 5 minutes. )
It’s not all the time. I often feel genuine excitement and joy in
others’ beauty and for others achievements. But, then I turn around and feel
like sh*t (I mean crap). Sh*t!
I am worried, not because I might not have the most
beautiful “selfie” but because I have been played. I keep being played. A puppet in this world
of social media. And, the puppeteer is
my own self doubt. And, I know I am not
alone.
Now, I just look at someone’s picture and I think. That
isn’t REAL. Because, it is not real. It is not the matter of this real world; it
is a series of pixels in a likeness that has been enhanced, and filtered, and
contrasted, and angled to suit the desires of its owner. This is not real life. Because, life is not
all bright and shiny. I am not all
bright and shiny. And, probably you don’t feel bright and shiny all the time
either.
But, what does this mean?
What do I do? Deliberately put unattractive pictures of myself up
(complete with double chin and greasy hair) or should I post only the sh*ttiest
occurrances of the day? Do I delete my
accounts all together? Do I get
psychological counseling until it doesn’t bother me? Will it ever not bother me?
I have written before about Twitter for Mindfulness. And, I see the value in making connections
and sharing ideas online. I also see the marketing potential for my dance company. All good thing, but I currently feel an acute awareness to how it is not
good. Not healthy. Not the direction I want to be going.
This article in the Huffington Post asks “Is social mediaturning us into teenagers?” and I say:
“YES!”
“I am the equivalent of a teenage fool!”
And, I am ashamed and terrified.
I have been reading an excellent book by Rick Hanson called Buddha’sBrain, in which I learned just how important it is to cultivate the positive
channels in the brain through contemplative practices. What I found most
interesting so far (and I’m only half way through!) is the idea that we need to
sit with positive emotions and not breeze through them in order to rebuild and
refine the neural connections for positive emotions and positive behaviors. By taking the time to soak in the positive,
we are able to help build the neural pathways that allow us to relax and
generally feel better more easily. But
this takes time and practice. Hence zazen (Zen seated meditation) everyday!
So, I have been making an effort to notice and soak in the
good moments of life. And, they are
good, but in general things are general never as good or as bad as we think
they are. So, taking a walk is
wonderful. But, when I see a picture of
people at the top of the mountain on their hike, I think: “That must be
AMAZING!!!” But, in fact it was probably
just good. Wonderfully good, but just
real life good.
I don’t want to lose my life choosing which Instagram filter
makes my pictures look the most exciting.
And, I certainly don’t want to compete with those people who choose to use
their time that way. It’s not real. It’s virtual. It’s a screen. It’s a glorified likeness.
It’s not all bad, and I am not renouncing it. I just want to be honest. To see it as it
is. And, to let simple reality be
enough.
Not so amazing, Not the over-the-top, with the perfect lo-fi
filter and immediate status update type of amazing.
Just real life good.
For the record, here is a pretty real picture of me. Sweaty, awkward, poor lighting, crummy composition, ill fitting outfit.. . . You name it. It's real. And, it was a good day.
