Discovering Home

Home is the sensation of relief.

I have had a truly incredible summer of travel and escapades.  Starting with a road trip with the Razor Babes to San Francisco, then a solo return trip to the bay area for a visit and a wedding, then off to Chicago for the Jump Rhythm Jazz Project week long work shop, followed shortly by a fantastic honeymoon in the Northern Pacific (Oregon and Washington specifically) and finally a flight across "the pond" to Germany and Switzerland for more touring and yet another wedding.

It was great.
...
I am spent!

But, this is a good thing, a great thing, because now I want to be NOWHERE else be right here in the Kubocha Cottage (our affectionate name of our little house-- details later).

Traveling is an excellent opportunity to discover the preciousness of your daily, average life. Travel is exciting and of course I appreciate all of the different views I have seen this summer: over cities, oceans, the alps!  But, travel for me often feels like I have been frozen in time.  It serves for me as an incubation period during which I am suspended from completing my everyday tasks and thus making "progress".  Travel forces me to step back and just observe.  And, as many of you know, observing the self is often uncomfortable.  It is energetically taxing and at times frustrating, irritating, and depressing to take the time to shed light on the dark and forgotten corners of the soul, sweep them out and suffer the dust cloud that follows. But, there is no better place to do exactly that than on an 11 hour flight home from Frankfurt.  

All of the waiting time, in lines, for take off, for check in, for check out, at train stations, in a car...  All of that time is incubating time.  It feels like I truly hibernated this summer, not because I closed myself in doors, but because I divorced myself from my sense of identity in the things I do at home, namely, teaching dance, choreographing, going to yoga, going to the gym, eating at certain restaurants, taking walks...  the details are not what's important. The challenge is that we become what we do, and we start to deeply identify ourselves by our habits and our practices.  Of course in the Buddhist sense we are none of this.  We are indefinite and these aspects of life are just details.

But, through our life we can gain insight and peace if we choose. Travel is just thing thing to shake up the routine, to help you question who you are and discover you are not your daily run around schedule.  I have been reminded that I choose the routines in my life and they can be deeply satisfying and rewarding.  But, being home is not about being on autopilot.  Being home is the place where the real work needs to happen.

I am glad to be home. 

Too much time... Too much to say.

The challenge of NOT blogging is that then I am stuck with so many different topics and ideas to write about that I can't seem to write about anything. So, the following is a mismash of ideas. No promises and no guarantees.  Plus, I am typing on a German keyboard so the z and the y are switched and ä is where the ' should be.  Soooo. Fogive the madness that might ensue with my typing. 

Notes on the Now

Travel:  traveling is a trip. And, I mean that in the head trip sort of fashion.  There is all at once so much to do and in some ways so little. Routine and daily patterns go out the door leaving me feel tired, but then when I look at my day I have done relatively little to show for my fatigue.  Strange. 

Traveling in a place with a different language:  As if learning a new location isn't enough of a challenge then you have the language challenge.  This of course adds the extra burden on myenergy, but in my opinion it is one of the primary reasons one should travel.  When I spend a day in Germany (where I am now) just reading in German, watching TV in German, and having little logistical conversations in German I understand the daily life of Germany and my learning and reflections on the whole process is enough for me.  Yes, seeing the local castle today was wonderful, but that for me is extra. The language is one of the windows into the culture that provides insight that just being a tourist cannot.  So, I am trying to enjoy the practice even though it is exhausting.

Being a dancer at a Wedding:  I came to Germany this time around to attend my dear friend Katrin's Wedding.  We were exchange students in high school. I stayed with her in Germany first and then she stayed with me the second half of the year.  Her wedding was a blast, set in a picturesque little town (by German standards a village) where they vint wine!  Being a dancer at a wedding can be terrible. Sometimes people expect you to want to dance, or maybe they just want to watch you dance. This can be a bummer and can make me want to dance less. But sometimes, when the mood is right is dancing just the thing! At the wedding I was able to dance with eveyone and help everone enjoy themselves.  It wasn't trying to be a leader or a teacher or anyone special, but I was free to dance and I felt that my energy was contagious.  I also knew how to lead my friend in a partner dance, swinging her around the dance floor like a princess.  Great fun. 

Writing while traveling:  I am not sure why but I have been struggling to write during this trip.  I brought my peotry notebook with the hope of recording everything wonderful and inspirational that I see.  And I have written daily, but I am finding it challenging to write in English and speak in German. So, I keep mixing them up.  Also, I am learning that writing can bring me into a situation more fully (quiet moments on the balcony or before I sleep at night) but can also distract me from the moment as I am in the thick of an exerience.  I have been here 4 days, so I still have 6 left to practice this balance.  Perhaps it is just new and different.  Maybe I will see the value of what I write later when I return home. 

Plan:  Tomorrow Basel, Wednesday Lausanne and Friday Luzern.  Being in Lörrach on the Swiss border allows me to explore another country, an expensive one, but an exciting one as well!

Bis Später!