When Wonder Woman gets Shingles

Thanks for reading this seeing as I haven't been posting regularly. It has been tough finding the balance between work, art and parenting. (Well, duh!)

What brought me here today? Well, you know that moment when you feel like everything is going pretty well. Life is full and busy and bustling and yet, things are generally getting done, and you are generally managing. You have a moment in which you feel like superwoman before. . . you get shingles.

Hence, your body steps in to say, "Not so fast buster! I know you like burning the candle at both ends, but, I'm here to chime in and say, it doesn't work that way." As someone still in her thirties, I'm not supposed to get shingles. All the websites say it is usually seen in people over 50.  I still have over a decade to go! And, yet, these little red lesions on my waistline are undoubtedly shingles.  I know, because I have had them before.  Sigh.

I'm just so sensitive.  I guess we all are in some way or another. Whether it hits us sooner or later, whether we hide it or blog about it, we are all just doing our best to get along and figure out life as best we can in the midst of the chaos and without a compass or map in hand.

My prescription should really be: chill the heck out. Stop working, and, instead, spend an afternoon watching movies and sleeping.  Yet, I just finished a two hour stint of work and am whiling away the hour by writing this blog. Good choices can be hard to make sometimes.  But, we keep at it. We keep trying to no try so hard. We keep our focus on not being too focused, and we worry about not worrying so much. 

Now to bed. And, I recommend you try to find your way there too before your system rebels.

Beth

A Year to Live - 323 Days Left

Don't worry! I am not ill, and I hopefully have many, many more years to live.

But, what if I didn't?  What if this was my last November, my last Channukah, Christmas, New Years, Birthday. . . ?  I have started a practice with my spirituality group called "A Year To Live" inspired by Stephen Levine's book with the same name.  Of course we are doing it our Buddhist inspired way, but the essential questions remain the same. 

How can I live my life to the fullest? . . . What does that even mean? 

I started my year to live on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, and I am now down to 323 days left.  It's been a while since I have posted to this blog because this first month has been a doosey as I have reorganized my thinking, my approach to life and in some ways the contents of my life. 

I started by calculating the total hours it would take for me to do everything I want to do in a week.  I turns out I would need some 121 hours a week (and that was without allotting time for meals or family).  Alas, I am only awake approximately 105 hours a week. So, therein was the first problem I identified in my quality of life. I wanted to do too many things and in result everything suffered and most of all I suffered.  I was losing integrity.  And, fast. 

So I made the difficult cuts to things I enjoyed in my life but just didn't have time for.  Sadly, my yoga membership and my participation in the Razor Babes was among them.  But, I simply couldn't live the rest of my "year to live" feeling overwhelmed and generally disappointed in myself for not being able to accomplish everything I wanted to in a week. I was doomed to failure, by the mere math of there not being enough waking hours! 

But, simplifying was just the first step.  The "year to live" perspective has permeated most of my daily decisions.  Now I find myself asking how I want to live my life starting with the here and now.

How do I want this moment to be? To feel?

How do I want this evening to be?

This day? This week?

The good news is that I believe I am on track with most of my life decisions. I love teaching, I love creating dances and I love learning.  I have loving relationships with my husband and family.  In general, I am living the way I want to live in the big scheme of things.  But, the little stuff is what gets me from time to time. Getting caught up in the illusions that cause anxiety. The demands of the moment that feel like life and death, but really are trivial, silly or simply not worth my time. 

This practice is, however, not as simple as it seems.  It is often hard to see the truth of the situation, to dig past the eye catching details of the moment and see the essentials of life as it is.  I still have bad days. I still have moments of insecurity and uncertainty. But, this practice has already changed my attitude toward myself, others and the world. 

I won't last forever; no one will.  This too shall pass. I shall pass. The joys, the suffering, the clarity, the confusion, the life, the death.  It is all transient.

So, what do we make of the here and now?  

The present.  The gift of being present. 

The Challenge of Doing Less

Sometimes the solution to a problem is not doing more but doing less. But, Uggh! Why is not doing something so much harder than doing something? 

The whole "less is more philosophy" is certainly a principle I fully embrace in my choreography, but as I have been explaining in past blogs, it is something I have been struggling to embrace in my daily life.  And, now I see the same epidemic in nearly everyone around me. It seems everyone is doing too much and has a hard time accepting that not doing something is the healthier more balanced option.

For instance, a student came to me with an injury (the 3rd in a list of recent injuries) wondering what else she could do to help it heal.  I had to explain that her body wasn't hurting because it needed her to do more for it, but rather than it needed her to do less. To give it a rest and allow it to heal on its own.

But, when you are a busy bee (like this student and I are), you are used to taking an active role in all aspects of your life. Therefore, choosing to refrain or become passive is a tough pill to swallow.  If only there was a real "tough pill" to swallow!  That would be easier than suffering doing nothing at all.  Because then, at least, you would be doing something.

So, I asked her when she had time to rest. She said Saturday she had nothing. . . only three hours of rehearsal.  ONLY 3 hours of rehearsal?!? What is the world coming to that 3 hours of challenging dancing is nothing? 

You can't rush healing, whether it be physical, emotional or psychological. Yet, if you are like me you want a quick fix (or at least a guaranteed fix), like "take this supplement 3x a day and you will be better, do this stretch before and after each class and you will feel like new in approximately a day and half."  But, instead, the prescription is to stop, quiet yourself, listen and wait. 

Meditation is exactly this. The practice of doing less.

Next time you feel imbalanced ask yourself: Does this concern call for doing more or doing less?

Chances are the harder option (whether it be more or less) is probably the right one.