We when engage with life, we usually have a strong reason why we choose what we choose. I'm not saying that the strong reason is always a good reason nor is it always a healthy reason, but we are propelled to do things all day long by strong reasons. Why did you get out of bed today? Was it out of a love of the quiet morning hours? or perhaps it was the fear of being late to work and losing your job? Was it to care for your children whom you love so much?
Each moment is a choice.
That is the reality. For most of us the choices are small-- or rather seem small. Do I agree to this project? Should I do my laundry today or tomorrow? We are fortunate that we have this much freedom of choice. Some people in the world face the choice to continue with the status quo or die as a consequence? THAT is a strong reason behind one's choices.
For those of us with depressive tendencies reasons can feel a little murky. Sometimes I feel I don't know what I want at all. I can't tell what would bring me joy or what would perpetuate my state of discomfort and fogginess. This is one of the ways I experience the apathy of depression. It is not that I don't care, but I can't tell what I care about.
We are emotionally fragile beings. I think that we are all thin skinned when it boils down to it. We are sensitive to our situation, and we can choose to notice that or to shut it down, stifle it, move on. When we feel what we feel more fully, we can learn that is truly motivating us. Joy or Fear, Love or Hate, Generosity or Greed.
Engaging with life means more than going through the motions. Each day, each moment, we have a choice to drop into the full experience of the present. The more frequently we drop in, the more honest we can be with ourselves about our motives. And, if we really want it, then we should enjoy it. We can love it and ourselves in the process. We can't be perfect, but we can be more aware.
Awareness is the choice.
How do you really feel right now?
What do you really want to do in this moment? Why?
What would it take to make you excited to wake up tomorrow? Why?