How do you think about your ribs? Are they one unit? Are they a block that gets moved as one?
Because. . .that is pretty much how I have been using mine for a long, long time.
Of course I knew that there were 12 thoracic vertebra (from anatomy classes and massage school), and each thoracic vertebra connects to a rib on each side. Duh! And, yet, I never really thought that these bones could work independently of each other. They always seemed so locked together. I couldn't envision it, let alone feel it. I mean it is a rib "cage"right? Not a . . .
. . . a rib accordion?!?
I am just now learning to feel the motion that exists in the many areas and dimensions of my ribs, spine and sternum. I am starting to feel that my sternum moves my thoracic spine and vice verse. And, I can twist in those upper ribs! Each space between each rib has the capacity to move (even if just a little) to allow for generous twists that aren't just in my neck and low back. Yahoo!
But, here is the rub, why did I freeze it in the first place? What was I caging between my ribs? Of course, the anatomical answer is the lungs. But, the more holistic answer is my breath. I was caging my breath, locking it between my frozen ribs. Why? Because that was an easy way to hide the muck of my emotions.
In yoga they talk about prana or energy that is directly related to the breath. Yogis devote their lifetimes to controlling their prana through breath exercises. It is worthwhile practice for this very reason. Our breath is a direct link to our nervous system.
And, the stuff that gets caught. . . I call it emotional waste. When my nervous system clicks into fight or flight, I have started to notice that I lock down my chest. It's a little like an emotional lock down that functions to keep me clear headed, intellectual and problem solving-- you know a "mature adult." But, the reality is that inside I am having a tantrum! I am scared, angry, frustrated, hurt, sad. . . And, all of that is getting packed away into the rib cage. Day by day. Event by event. Challenge by challenge. When I don't let myself feel the intensity of what I am experiencing, I am just stuffing it away. Packing cement between my ribs in hopes of keeping the emotions at bay.
So, now I get to relearn that reaction. I am discovering the movement of my ribs. But, I am having to deal with a lot more than rusty muscles. I am having to rediscover what triggers my nervous system into fight or flight which causes me to hold my breath and to lock down my heart center. Sometimes, it is a clear one to one explanation. Someone criticizes me and I react defensively. Or, I forget something on my schedule that was important to me and I freak out. But, sometimes it is less clear. I start to move my upper ribs with my breath, and I all of a sudden feel sad, or irritable, or angry. Those pent up experiences are held in the cellular memory of those tissues and the nervous system.
This is big. Making change in this way requires constant vigilance as well as compassion and forgiveness. I can't just make a decision and force my ribs to move. I am undoing years and years of this reactive habit. And, forcing myself to do anything will just trigger my fight or flight again, defeating the purpose!
No, this is a gradual process. A slow unfolding of the layers of holding. Bit by bit.
Breath by breath.
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Friday, April 18, 2014
Thursday, December 26, 2013
How are you?
Today I rolled out my yoga mat. For the first time in a long time.
Yoga for me has been a wonderful physical and spiritual practice through our the years. But, since my horrendous back injury (over a year ago), it has been near absent in my life. I have always incorporated yoga into my dance warm ups, but laying out the yoga mat for an explicit practice has not been part of my routine.
I rolled it out today, because being on vacation I was tired of the bike machine down in the gym and needed a little bit of variety. Hence, the mat.
I didn't know what my practice would look like. I didn't know how it would go after so much time. More specifically I didn't know how I would go (or be). As I lay folded in child's pose, I wondered exactly this.
How am I? We use the question to mean the state in which we exist. How are you? I'm fine. I'm ok. I'm great! I'm wretched. But, how is not merely about a state of being. It is also describes the way we exist. The way we do things. The way we navigate the world and our experiences.
How do I do it?
How would I know?
How should I respond?
How am I standing? How am I lunging, folding, reaching, sitting? What is the way I do what I do?
Becoming aware of who we are is really becoming aware of how we are. And, being aware means asking ourselves this question at every turn. How do I eat my breakfast? How do I respond to an upset friend, family member, student?
But, being aware is just the first step. Being how you are (That's just how I am!) is not an excuse for poor behavior or unskillful practices. We have the ability to change how we are in the world. That is the sweetness of being human. We get to choose whether our behaviors or actions serve us or not. The new year is a time when many people, who may otherwise not be aware of how they are, look at themselves in the mirror and ask the million dollar question. How am I?
The winter solstice is behind us. The days will now get longer, and we will come closer to the sun with each passing moment. We have the chance to use this time to examine how we are in this world. How we are with each other. How we are on the yoga mat or walking down the street.
This time of quiet, of darkness and reflection is key to really understanding our nature.
But, the real work comes later. Discovering how we are is not a one shot deal. We get to discover how we are every single day we walk this earth. We get to discover how we are in all that we do.
So the next time you are asked How are you? Take a moment and ask yourself the deeper question of awareness so that you can continue the practice of self discovery with each step, with each moment.
May you have a Happy New Year!
Beth
Yoga for me has been a wonderful physical and spiritual practice through our the years. But, since my horrendous back injury (over a year ago), it has been near absent in my life. I have always incorporated yoga into my dance warm ups, but laying out the yoga mat for an explicit practice has not been part of my routine.
I rolled it out today, because being on vacation I was tired of the bike machine down in the gym and needed a little bit of variety. Hence, the mat.
I didn't know what my practice would look like. I didn't know how it would go after so much time. More specifically I didn't know how I would go (or be). As I lay folded in child's pose, I wondered exactly this.
How am I? We use the question to mean the state in which we exist. How are you? I'm fine. I'm ok. I'm great! I'm wretched. But, how is not merely about a state of being. It is also describes the way we exist. The way we do things. The way we navigate the world and our experiences.
How do I do it?
How would I know?
How should I respond?
How am I standing? How am I lunging, folding, reaching, sitting? What is the way I do what I do?
Becoming aware of who we are is really becoming aware of how we are. And, being aware means asking ourselves this question at every turn. How do I eat my breakfast? How do I respond to an upset friend, family member, student?
But, being aware is just the first step. Being how you are (That's just how I am!) is not an excuse for poor behavior or unskillful practices. We have the ability to change how we are in the world. That is the sweetness of being human. We get to choose whether our behaviors or actions serve us or not. The new year is a time when many people, who may otherwise not be aware of how they are, look at themselves in the mirror and ask the million dollar question. How am I?
The winter solstice is behind us. The days will now get longer, and we will come closer to the sun with each passing moment. We have the chance to use this time to examine how we are in this world. How we are with each other. How we are on the yoga mat or walking down the street.
This time of quiet, of darkness and reflection is key to really understanding our nature.
But, the real work comes later. Discovering how we are is not a one shot deal. We get to discover how we are every single day we walk this earth. We get to discover how we are in all that we do.
So the next time you are asked How are you? Take a moment and ask yourself the deeper question of awareness so that you can continue the practice of self discovery with each step, with each moment.
May you have a Happy New Year!
Beth
Saturday, August 4, 2012
My Weaker Left Side
Having trained as a dancer since the wee age of 3, I have a deeply rooted sense of my body. I can "feel" my body in space most clearly at all times. In dance we call this one's kinesthetic awareness. Well, whatever it is called, I got it. Bad. No really, it is something I enjoy. My body memory is so strong that I can "feel" myself in motion when I am lying in bed, sitting down, riding a train. I can envision dance and my brain and body produce sensations that mimic the actual movement. It's a trip.
But, I realized some time back that I am almost always right side dominant both in these mental "kinesthetic" visions and in my active life. If I am envisioning movement, my right side is the leader of the action, the initiator, the side of me that I most clearly sense and feel. This of course is also true when I choreograph. I am right sided.
If you are wondering, I am also right handed. I brush my teeth with my right hand and I balance best on my right foot. No surprise there.
But, I am concerned for my left side. In yoga, the left side of the body is the yin side of the body, energized by a softer, feminine, cool, dark energy. The right side in contrast is the yang side powered by a strong, masculine, hot, bright energy. Everyone needs both energies in their life. It reflects our need for exertion and recuperation in all aspects of life.
What disconcerts me is that my left side feels asleep, numb, as if it were somehow paralyzed. Of course in reality it isn't any of those things. I have full function on my entire left body. But, energetically speaking, I am deeply aware of the imbalance between my right and left sides.
My left side feels awkward, disconnected, uncoordinated, and I wonder what effect this is having on my daily life. Is that perhaps why I need so much sleep to feel rested? That I need long periods of recuperation? Is my left side limping along to such a degree that my right has taken the reigns in all aspects of my life? Maybe it has nothing to do with it, maybe it has everything to do with it.
But, regardless, I feel a need to foster my left side. And, I can tell all ready that it is going to be work. My right side is so eager to help out! But, my awareness of this fact is too strong for me to ignore it.
So, the adventure begins:
Dear weaker left side, it is time to wake up!
Beth
Here are a couple interesting resources on Brain-Body connection
The Brain Dance
http://creativedance.org/about/braindance/
Article on Integration of the Body
http://danceadvantage.net/2010/02/22/body-integration/
Video of Body Half and Cross Lateral Movement patterns (Bartenieff fundamentals)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEiVgTcinP4
But, I realized some time back that I am almost always right side dominant both in these mental "kinesthetic" visions and in my active life. If I am envisioning movement, my right side is the leader of the action, the initiator, the side of me that I most clearly sense and feel. This of course is also true when I choreograph. I am right sided.
If you are wondering, I am also right handed. I brush my teeth with my right hand and I balance best on my right foot. No surprise there.
But, I am concerned for my left side. In yoga, the left side of the body is the yin side of the body, energized by a softer, feminine, cool, dark energy. The right side in contrast is the yang side powered by a strong, masculine, hot, bright energy. Everyone needs both energies in their life. It reflects our need for exertion and recuperation in all aspects of life.
What disconcerts me is that my left side feels asleep, numb, as if it were somehow paralyzed. Of course in reality it isn't any of those things. I have full function on my entire left body. But, energetically speaking, I am deeply aware of the imbalance between my right and left sides.
My left side feels awkward, disconnected, uncoordinated, and I wonder what effect this is having on my daily life. Is that perhaps why I need so much sleep to feel rested? That I need long periods of recuperation? Is my left side limping along to such a degree that my right has taken the reigns in all aspects of my life? Maybe it has nothing to do with it, maybe it has everything to do with it.
But, regardless, I feel a need to foster my left side. And, I can tell all ready that it is going to be work. My right side is so eager to help out! But, my awareness of this fact is too strong for me to ignore it.
So, the adventure begins:
Dear weaker left side, it is time to wake up!
Beth
Here are a couple interesting resources on Brain-Body connection
The Brain Dance
http://creativedance.org/about/braindance/
Article on Integration of the Body
http://danceadvantage.net/2010/02/22/body-integration/
Video of Body Half and Cross Lateral Movement patterns (Bartenieff fundamentals)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEiVgTcinP4
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Twitter for Mindfulness
Perhaps you have read or heard about Mindfulness. If you have read any of the more popular Buddhists texts by Thich Naht Hanh or Pema Chodren, then you have certainly encountered the idea even if it was called something else. Likewise, if you practice yoga and have ever performed pranayama (breath control/meditation) or seated meditation then you have practiced being mindful.
But, the practice of mindfulness in daily life amidst work drama, family crisis, personal health issues and the rest of life's curves balls takes practice and discipline. I would like to present an unexpected mindfulness tool I recently discovered: Twitter.
Yes, I was one of those people who "didn't get Twitter" and scoffed at the ridiculousness of "saying something in 140 characters or less." I only got my Twitter account (@BethMegill) a couple months ago because I was feeling desperate with my dance company, and knew I needed to try something new to broaden Megill & Company's (MeCo) exposure. So, I created a Twitter account in my name. No hiding behind anything, no ulterior motives. Everyone would know who I was, and I had to be ok with that.
I didn't really post anything until about two months ago. I didn't know about RT (retweets) or hashtags (which I always knew as a pound sign). The, I drew the line and made a decision: I will tweet despite all my concerns and misgivings about it. I have to at least TRY it. At first, it felt weird to post what I was thinking, what I was doing, and what I saw at any given moment, but it gradually became part of my day, and I found that you can say a lot in 140 characters. And, sometimes it is just a pointer to more info which is often very useful/entertaining/interesting.
But, the best and most unexpected benefit of Twitter has nothing to do with my initial motives at all. I discovered that in making Twitter a part of my day, I was making reflection part of my day. Twitter was helping me become more mindful!
I find that Twitter helps me to put things into perspective as I find myself in sticky situations or frustrating states of mind. In deciding what to post, I have to make a decision about what I want to say. And, in deciding what I want to say, I have to make a decision about what is important to say. And, in order to decide what is important to say I have to decide what is import (period!).
This has become an excellent practice of mindfulness. I often wonder what I will tweet next. "Is this important?" "Is this interesting?" "Is this worth sharing?" I realized that these questions were not for any of my "followers" but for myself. Through this reflection, I am really asking: "What is important to me?" "Is what I am doing interesting and worth doing?" "Am I making decisions that I am proud of and will feel comfortable sharing with others?" Twitter makes me accountable to myself. It helps me lead the life I want to live by reminding me to stay true to my beliefs and values.
I find that I have been more relaxed, more productive, more playful, more joy filled, and more interested in general. I see the world as more real because I have my eyes opened. Of course I am excited when someone responds to a tweet (just as I am when you respond with a comment to this blog). It is exciting to think that something I have shared has given someone else joy or a moment for pause and reflection, but ultimately I tweet for myself and what the practice gives me on a daily basis.
We shall see how long this trend lasts, perhaps it is just a phase that will come and go as so many things do. But for now, I am grateful and appreciative of how this program (that I bad mouthed and snickered at for so long) has actually deepened my practices. Thank you Twitter. And, special thanks to those who follow and share in my practice. You are my sangha.
But, the practice of mindfulness in daily life amidst work drama, family crisis, personal health issues and the rest of life's curves balls takes practice and discipline. I would like to present an unexpected mindfulness tool I recently discovered: Twitter.
Yes, I was one of those people who "didn't get Twitter" and scoffed at the ridiculousness of "saying something in 140 characters or less." I only got my Twitter account (@BethMegill) a couple months ago because I was feeling desperate with my dance company, and knew I needed to try something new to broaden Megill & Company's (MeCo) exposure. So, I created a Twitter account in my name. No hiding behind anything, no ulterior motives. Everyone would know who I was, and I had to be ok with that.
I didn't really post anything until about two months ago. I didn't know about RT (retweets) or hashtags (which I always knew as a pound sign). The, I drew the line and made a decision: I will tweet despite all my concerns and misgivings about it. I have to at least TRY it. At first, it felt weird to post what I was thinking, what I was doing, and what I saw at any given moment, but it gradually became part of my day, and I found that you can say a lot in 140 characters. And, sometimes it is just a pointer to more info which is often very useful/entertaining/interesting.
But, the best and most unexpected benefit of Twitter has nothing to do with my initial motives at all. I discovered that in making Twitter a part of my day, I was making reflection part of my day. Twitter was helping me become more mindful!
I find that Twitter helps me to put things into perspective as I find myself in sticky situations or frustrating states of mind. In deciding what to post, I have to make a decision about what I want to say. And, in deciding what I want to say, I have to make a decision about what is important to say. And, in order to decide what is important to say I have to decide what is import (period!).
This has become an excellent practice of mindfulness. I often wonder what I will tweet next. "Is this important?" "Is this interesting?" "Is this worth sharing?" I realized that these questions were not for any of my "followers" but for myself. Through this reflection, I am really asking: "What is important to me?" "Is what I am doing interesting and worth doing?" "Am I making decisions that I am proud of and will feel comfortable sharing with others?" Twitter makes me accountable to myself. It helps me lead the life I want to live by reminding me to stay true to my beliefs and values.
I find that I have been more relaxed, more productive, more playful, more joy filled, and more interested in general. I see the world as more real because I have my eyes opened. Of course I am excited when someone responds to a tweet (just as I am when you respond with a comment to this blog). It is exciting to think that something I have shared has given someone else joy or a moment for pause and reflection, but ultimately I tweet for myself and what the practice gives me on a daily basis.
We shall see how long this trend lasts, perhaps it is just a phase that will come and go as so many things do. But for now, I am grateful and appreciative of how this program (that I bad mouthed and snickered at for so long) has actually deepened my practices. Thank you Twitter. And, special thanks to those who follow and share in my practice. You are my sangha.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Learning to Practice
I have been blessed with multiple interests. This makes it so that I am never bored. In fact there are days I feel so overwhelmed I would give anything to bored. But, alas I am not wired that way. I find most things interesting and even in the rarest or most mundane situations I find myself pleasantly satisfied and engaged in ruminating about some aspect of the task at hand so my interest never feels strained or forced.
The downside to this way of being is that I am constantly torn between my many interests and there simply aren't enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want-- and if there are enough hours in the day, I am plagued with a lack of energy. You simply can't do it all. Hrrumph. But I want to!
Part of my thinking on this issue of practice and time on task was prompted by my recent visits to a number of museums and archeological sites here in Mexico where I am visiting. Looking at hand stitched coats from the New Spain era, or the incredible pyramids of the Mayans. These objects of achievement took time and perseverance. Artists and craftsmen dedicated years of their lives to a box made of intricately inlayed pieces of wood, shell, bone or gems. I too want to look back and be able to say "I stuck to it" and made a something great because I persevered. So that is why I have revisited the importance of practice. It teaches us the diligence and focus required to be our best in way that is not just fleeting, but established and durable.
Regular practice is undisputedly a requisite for the arts or any endeavor, really. It takes time, energy and mental focus to complete large projects, a painting, a dance, a certificate, a school program, you get the idea. But, how can I accommodate all of my interests into my daily life so I feel connect to them all and yet feel productive? The fact is I am a notorious jack of all trades. Wonderfully aware and interested in most things while remaining horribly and painfully amateur (or average) at most of them.
Let's look at a couple of my practices to get a better idea of how this works in my real, mundane, 24-hour day, 7 day week and 52 week year:
Yoga: I love to practice yoga, sometimes I desire recuperative restorative poses, other times I want the catharsis, the sweat and the charge of discovering my strengths. But, despite my love of yoga, I do not have a weekly yoga routine. There are not classes I always take every week. I do not practice regularly at home. I am intermittent at best. I incorporate yoga poses into my dance warm up, but it is not a complete spiritual practice in the way I believe yoga is meant to be practiced.
When I do get on the mat on my own, I wonder what took me so long to get there. I most often surprise myself by starting with a recuperative, gentle intention and ending with sequences of dancing warrior, one legged balances or challenging sun salutations, sweat dripping in a glorious and wonderfully unexpected way. Where did this energy come from? But even while I am here in Mexico with little to no real schedule and certainly enough time to throw down my mat in a corner somewhere. I have practiced a total of 2 days in the 8 days I have been here. On the one hand: at least I am practicing, on the other hand: since I took space in my suitcase to bring my mat (although it is a thinner travel mat) why the heck am I not practicing at least 30 min everyday?
Hmmm. Next practice. . .
Writing: In the last year and half I have taken up a more conscious practice of writing. I have always written, mostly journaling, but I found that journal writing often left me feeling worse than when I started, perpetuating any downward spiral I might be in. When I felt good, I didn't really feel like writing at all. So my journals consisted of pages and pages and pages (and I have perhaps 15 journals from the years) of self-deprecating, frustrated, painful entries, often tear marked. Whew.
In the last few years I tried to write only positive things, affirmations and such. But that quickly faded away into not writing at all. About two years ago, I saw a flier for a poetry group where I work and voila! I became a poet. So I have been trying to write and it have been wonderful in many many ways. I have no pressure to be good so I just write whatever poems I want and enjoy the process and being silly. No goal no competition (if only the rest of the world were like this. Haha!) But, the group met on Wednesdays and I had to teach so. . . guess where my writing went? Uh. Nowhere. That's "wright"! (sorry couldn't help myself). It wasn't until I took on the 30 day poetry challenge with the group that I wrote poetry with enough regularity that now if I go too long without it, I can't help but pull out a piece of paper or start up my computer. But it took 30 painstaking days of writing poems, often when I was tired and didn't want to do anything. But, the 30 day practice taught me the rewards of writing with frequency, and it ultimately lead me to writing this blog.
I purposefully took Natalie Goldberg's "Writing Down the Bones" on this Mexico trip and bought a special journal here 4 days ago. As inspired as I am I have just two entries since I bought the book. I had grandiose hopes of writing throughout the days. I imagines and planned for wonderful gems of reflection and observation. But, I wrote two nights ago and I wrote tonight. Not quite the fervor I had intended.
On to. . .
Meditation: I started going to the Zen center two weeks before I left for Mexico. I went a total of 6 or 7 times in two weeks including an all day 8-5 Sesshin. I have meditated for a total of 5 minutes since being here in Mexico. Granted I miss my zafu (the solid pillow for sitting in meditation) but really. Can't I just sit in the chair? Not the best record.
Finally. . .
Dance: Ahhhhh. Dance. My water and my arsenic. How I love thee and how I question thee? Are you good or evil? You bring such joy and such pain in turn. While I have been enjoying the past week of touring and visiting ruins, cathedrals and museums, I am actually here in Mexico to work.
I was brought over by a dear friend Karina to teach and set choreography on her small company. Rehearsals start Monday. So, this past week has been a treat, but I am really here to practice doing my job and in so doing practice my art. A true blessing for an artist to share what they have to offer to the world. In this case internationally. But, how much have a practiced dance since my arrival? Zip. Zero. Zilch. That's right, I have not practiced at all no plié no tendú (just what happens to be coincidentally present in my yoga practice). BUT, the mind is going. Ideas have been surging and there is something to that. For that time in thought is in fact time on task and time well spent when the time comes to actually do what it is you do.
So, I have an idea for myself. I am not sure when I will implement it but I would like to perform my own 30 day challenge. This time for choreography. Get the juices flowing and not letting the pressure of creating inhibit my actual dance making. I plan on making some really bad choreography. Stupid, silly, odd, ugly. But, I hope it will allow me to release the tension and pressure I have come to feel as a dance teacher, who is constantly faced with the task of creating dance on a timeline and to serve the learning process of the student.
30 days. I am not sure when to start. Probably in August. But I promise to post it all, even the crappy ones for your enjoyment. Who knows, perhaps you will get a good laugh out of it at least.
As for practice. Twyla Tharp's book, "The Creative Habit" is all about routine. And, I guess it time for me to figure out mine.
The downside to this way of being is that I am constantly torn between my many interests and there simply aren't enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want-- and if there are enough hours in the day, I am plagued with a lack of energy. You simply can't do it all. Hrrumph. But I want to!
Part of my thinking on this issue of practice and time on task was prompted by my recent visits to a number of museums and archeological sites here in Mexico where I am visiting. Looking at hand stitched coats from the New Spain era, or the incredible pyramids of the Mayans. These objects of achievement took time and perseverance. Artists and craftsmen dedicated years of their lives to a box made of intricately inlayed pieces of wood, shell, bone or gems. I too want to look back and be able to say "I stuck to it" and made a something great because I persevered. So that is why I have revisited the importance of practice. It teaches us the diligence and focus required to be our best in way that is not just fleeting, but established and durable.
Regular practice is undisputedly a requisite for the arts or any endeavor, really. It takes time, energy and mental focus to complete large projects, a painting, a dance, a certificate, a school program, you get the idea. But, how can I accommodate all of my interests into my daily life so I feel connect to them all and yet feel productive? The fact is I am a notorious jack of all trades. Wonderfully aware and interested in most things while remaining horribly and painfully amateur (or average) at most of them.
Let's look at a couple of my practices to get a better idea of how this works in my real, mundane, 24-hour day, 7 day week and 52 week year:
Yoga: I love to practice yoga, sometimes I desire recuperative restorative poses, other times I want the catharsis, the sweat and the charge of discovering my strengths. But, despite my love of yoga, I do not have a weekly yoga routine. There are not classes I always take every week. I do not practice regularly at home. I am intermittent at best. I incorporate yoga poses into my dance warm up, but it is not a complete spiritual practice in the way I believe yoga is meant to be practiced.
When I do get on the mat on my own, I wonder what took me so long to get there. I most often surprise myself by starting with a recuperative, gentle intention and ending with sequences of dancing warrior, one legged balances or challenging sun salutations, sweat dripping in a glorious and wonderfully unexpected way. Where did this energy come from? But even while I am here in Mexico with little to no real schedule and certainly enough time to throw down my mat in a corner somewhere. I have practiced a total of 2 days in the 8 days I have been here. On the one hand: at least I am practicing, on the other hand: since I took space in my suitcase to bring my mat (although it is a thinner travel mat) why the heck am I not practicing at least 30 min everyday?
Hmmm. Next practice. . .
Writing: In the last year and half I have taken up a more conscious practice of writing. I have always written, mostly journaling, but I found that journal writing often left me feeling worse than when I started, perpetuating any downward spiral I might be in. When I felt good, I didn't really feel like writing at all. So my journals consisted of pages and pages and pages (and I have perhaps 15 journals from the years) of self-deprecating, frustrated, painful entries, often tear marked. Whew.
In the last few years I tried to write only positive things, affirmations and such. But that quickly faded away into not writing at all. About two years ago, I saw a flier for a poetry group where I work and voila! I became a poet. So I have been trying to write and it have been wonderful in many many ways. I have no pressure to be good so I just write whatever poems I want and enjoy the process and being silly. No goal no competition (if only the rest of the world were like this. Haha!) But, the group met on Wednesdays and I had to teach so. . . guess where my writing went? Uh. Nowhere. That's "wright"! (sorry couldn't help myself). It wasn't until I took on the 30 day poetry challenge with the group that I wrote poetry with enough regularity that now if I go too long without it, I can't help but pull out a piece of paper or start up my computer. But it took 30 painstaking days of writing poems, often when I was tired and didn't want to do anything. But, the 30 day practice taught me the rewards of writing with frequency, and it ultimately lead me to writing this blog.
I purposefully took Natalie Goldberg's "Writing Down the Bones" on this Mexico trip and bought a special journal here 4 days ago. As inspired as I am I have just two entries since I bought the book. I had grandiose hopes of writing throughout the days. I imagines and planned for wonderful gems of reflection and observation. But, I wrote two nights ago and I wrote tonight. Not quite the fervor I had intended.
On to. . .
Meditation: I started going to the Zen center two weeks before I left for Mexico. I went a total of 6 or 7 times in two weeks including an all day 8-5 Sesshin. I have meditated for a total of 5 minutes since being here in Mexico. Granted I miss my zafu (the solid pillow for sitting in meditation) but really. Can't I just sit in the chair? Not the best record.
Finally. . .
Dance: Ahhhhh. Dance. My water and my arsenic. How I love thee and how I question thee? Are you good or evil? You bring such joy and such pain in turn. While I have been enjoying the past week of touring and visiting ruins, cathedrals and museums, I am actually here in Mexico to work.
I was brought over by a dear friend Karina to teach and set choreography on her small company. Rehearsals start Monday. So, this past week has been a treat, but I am really here to practice doing my job and in so doing practice my art. A true blessing for an artist to share what they have to offer to the world. In this case internationally. But, how much have a practiced dance since my arrival? Zip. Zero. Zilch. That's right, I have not practiced at all no plié no tendú (just what happens to be coincidentally present in my yoga practice). BUT, the mind is going. Ideas have been surging and there is something to that. For that time in thought is in fact time on task and time well spent when the time comes to actually do what it is you do.
So, I have an idea for myself. I am not sure when I will implement it but I would like to perform my own 30 day challenge. This time for choreography. Get the juices flowing and not letting the pressure of creating inhibit my actual dance making. I plan on making some really bad choreography. Stupid, silly, odd, ugly. But, I hope it will allow me to release the tension and pressure I have come to feel as a dance teacher, who is constantly faced with the task of creating dance on a timeline and to serve the learning process of the student.
30 days. I am not sure when to start. Probably in August. But I promise to post it all, even the crappy ones for your enjoyment. Who knows, perhaps you will get a good laugh out of it at least.
As for practice. Twyla Tharp's book, "The Creative Habit" is all about routine. And, I guess it time for me to figure out mine.
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