My Tuesday meditation group has been working on a very tough but important practice of "Speaking Your Truth." Many of the participants in the group are in what is called Jubilee time, around the age of 50, and having sent their children off to college are rediscovering what they have to offer the world (beyond the courage act of parenting). These women are strong, intelligent, compassionate and kind. They have so much to offer, but it requires our being able to speak our truths!
The lesson of speaking your truth is one that we can ask at any age. Speaking your truth doesn't mean running around town blabbing about local gossip, or chattering about the latest fashions and who looks good in what, nor is it casually commenting about the weather over a glass of wine. Speaking your truth is a practice that requires mindfulness, integrity, strength and compassion.
When speaking your truth one must do so with utmost care. Is it hurtful? Is it timely? Is it necessary? Many things are true that don't need to be said, or don't need to be said immediately. On other occasions something will need to be said that may hurt someone, but by speaking our truth to someone we can actually honor them and their integrity.
But, how do we share our truth? Here are a few things I like to remind myself:
1. Compassion: Am I coming from a place of compassion? Is my investment in what I have to say for personal benefits or for a greater good? Is it to help gain clarity or to cause injury? When we speak from a place of compassion, we take care with the words we use. We take care that we are clear while still speaking from the heart.
2. Expectations: What do I expect in return? This is the tricky one for me. When we speak our truth we give the other person (people) the right to react in whatever way they may. They might agree, but that is not a given. That person might lash out in return if they do not have skill or experience in nonviolent communication. That person has the right to react in anyway, because that is their right as a person with inherent dignity and integrity. When we remember that, we can detach from the outcome more readily.
We all have the potential to change the world, and speaking our truth is our opportunity to do so with a sense of clarity and purpose that is grounded in loving kindness. We get to speak our truth to ourselves, to those we love and to those who challenge us. We aren't always perfect in our attempts to speak our truth. It takes practice, and we stumble over our words a lot and get ensnared in our personal misperceptions. But, if our intention is for good, then we will get better and with time we get clearer for ourselves and others. We can speak out for justice, for peace, for understanding, for love.
Are you ready to practice speaking your truth?
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Friday, July 4, 2014
Saturday, September 28, 2013
I'm not a perfectionist! . . . am I?
I learned an interesting life lesson this week. . . about being a perfectionist.
I have been called a perfectionist, and I never liked that. Because I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to so many things. As a teacher, I don't plan my class lessons down to the minute (I hardly "plan" my class lessons at all). As a choreographer I rely on what I call "accidental greatness." This is jokingly/seriously become the motto of Megill & Company. I often will create something and be surprised by the fact that I like it. I often leave lots of room for interpretation and thus plenty of room for accidental greatness. As a performer I absolutely love improvisation. And, as a researcher, good enough seems, well. . . good enough.
So, I never thought I was a perfectionist. But, I discovered this week that there is one instance where I believe anything less than perfect is simply unsatisfactory. And, that is when I let others down.
I am very much willing to admit when I make mistakes, and I am very much willing to suffer the consequences of my own mistakes. But, when I make a mistake that affects others, I am an absolute terror to myself. There is no forgiveness. There is no acceptance. There is no compassion.
I learned this week that I expect myself to be perfect when it comes to my obligations to others.
I forgive myself in creative situations, in teaching situations, even in learning situations. But if my mistake affects my peers or colleagues, THAT is another story. This week I made a mistake that I could have avoided. I knew better and had no excuse for my mistake. I couldn't blame ignorance. I could blame misunderstanding.
It was flat out my fault.
But, humans make mistakes all the time. So why was this different? In reflecting upon my situation, I learned that I was not upset because I made a mistake, but because it affected people I care about. My actions affected people whom I respect and hope respect me in return. In other words I had let these people down and to me that was not ok.
The reality was that it wasn't even a big deal. It was solvable and in the end it worked itself out.
But, the lesson was inside of this situation. I desire that people like me. I desire that I make people happy. I want to ease their suffering. I want to aid them in whatever way possible. I want to be a net positive in the lives of others. I like making people smile. I like seeing people relax in my presence because they know that I will accept them as they are. But, there is a cost to this desire.
In Buddhism desire equals suffering, and in this situation is is perfectly true.
There is a cost to my desire to do good. When I let others down, I believe that I have failed. When I have disappointed others, I believe that I have proven myself unworthy. Thus, when it comes to others, I expect perfection. I expect myself to be nothing short of excellent in my interpersonal interactions. I desire others happiness to such an extend that even the smallest mistake can shatter my sense of self.
I must learn that I will disappoint people. We all will.
There is no such thing as perfect, and when we make a mistake that affects others it is exactly that. . . a mistake. An oversight. A misunderstanding. A miscalculation. An accident.
People will be disappointed in me. I must learn to accept that.
In the meantime, I will continue to try by best. Not because it make others happy, but because it makes me happy. I enjoy a job well done. I enjoy coordinating shows, organizing choreography, helping people when I can. But, there is no guarantee.
Making mistakes is part of life. Learning to recover from our mistakes is our practice.
Beth
When have you made a mistake and felt bad about it? Did you do everything you could? Have you forgiven yourself?
I have been called a perfectionist, and I never liked that. Because I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to so many things. As a teacher, I don't plan my class lessons down to the minute (I hardly "plan" my class lessons at all). As a choreographer I rely on what I call "accidental greatness." This is jokingly/seriously become the motto of Megill & Company. I often will create something and be surprised by the fact that I like it. I often leave lots of room for interpretation and thus plenty of room for accidental greatness. As a performer I absolutely love improvisation. And, as a researcher, good enough seems, well. . . good enough.
So, I never thought I was a perfectionist. But, I discovered this week that there is one instance where I believe anything less than perfect is simply unsatisfactory. And, that is when I let others down.
I am very much willing to admit when I make mistakes, and I am very much willing to suffer the consequences of my own mistakes. But, when I make a mistake that affects others, I am an absolute terror to myself. There is no forgiveness. There is no acceptance. There is no compassion.
I learned this week that I expect myself to be perfect when it comes to my obligations to others.
I forgive myself in creative situations, in teaching situations, even in learning situations. But if my mistake affects my peers or colleagues, THAT is another story. This week I made a mistake that I could have avoided. I knew better and had no excuse for my mistake. I couldn't blame ignorance. I could blame misunderstanding.
It was flat out my fault.
But, humans make mistakes all the time. So why was this different? In reflecting upon my situation, I learned that I was not upset because I made a mistake, but because it affected people I care about. My actions affected people whom I respect and hope respect me in return. In other words I had let these people down and to me that was not ok.
The reality was that it wasn't even a big deal. It was solvable and in the end it worked itself out.
But, the lesson was inside of this situation. I desire that people like me. I desire that I make people happy. I want to ease their suffering. I want to aid them in whatever way possible. I want to be a net positive in the lives of others. I like making people smile. I like seeing people relax in my presence because they know that I will accept them as they are. But, there is a cost to this desire.
In Buddhism desire equals suffering, and in this situation is is perfectly true.
There is a cost to my desire to do good. When I let others down, I believe that I have failed. When I have disappointed others, I believe that I have proven myself unworthy. Thus, when it comes to others, I expect perfection. I expect myself to be nothing short of excellent in my interpersonal interactions. I desire others happiness to such an extend that even the smallest mistake can shatter my sense of self.
I must learn that I will disappoint people. We all will.
There is no such thing as perfect, and when we make a mistake that affects others it is exactly that. . . a mistake. An oversight. A misunderstanding. A miscalculation. An accident.
People will be disappointed in me. I must learn to accept that.
In the meantime, I will continue to try by best. Not because it make others happy, but because it makes me happy. I enjoy a job well done. I enjoy coordinating shows, organizing choreography, helping people when I can. But, there is no guarantee.
Making mistakes is part of life. Learning to recover from our mistakes is our practice.
Beth
When have you made a mistake and felt bad about it? Did you do everything you could? Have you forgiven yourself?
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Dance World: We have a problem.
Attention
all dancers, choreographers, dance critics, dance students, dance
teachers, dance theorists, dance analysts, dance lovers, movers and
shakers: We have a problem.
We are imploding in on ourselves.
Here's
how I figure it: I am a tenured, well educated, deeply passionate, and
superbly interested dance artist. But, I often feel like I have NO idea what is going on the dance world. And, I feel like my sharing with the dance world is like someone screaming into a pillow in a sound proof room. I
often feel like my social media posts are less like ripple creating
pebbles thrown into a pond of potential and more like a pebble being
thrown into the Grand Canyon never to be seen again.
It's a problem!
But
here is the secret, dancers... Social media only works if people drive
it. There is nothing magical about social media. You can't just start a
twitter account and expect to get thousands of followers. Social media
doesn't do that... We do that. But, the magic of social media is that
when it reaches a tipping point, it does seem to perpetuate itself. A few
comments from a large body of participants makes for a lot of sharing.
But, if the social media engine is being driven by just a few people it can't
go very far or very fast.
I
love dance because I love the feeling of lying on the ground, sensing
the dance floor beneath me and the weight of my skin covering my bones.
This is the experience of dance. The phenomena of dance as an act, a
state, a way of life. But
the world has grown and ideas are worth sharing. We all feel the need to
connect with artists of like mind. We all want to be inspired and to feel
empowered by the solidarity of dance as a shared entity. But in order to
feel this, we need to share. And we need to listen.
The dance world is full of amazing projects, performances and events. But unless we have an effective platform to share these experiences and their documentation, the efforts can be easily overlooked, forgotten, or subsumed by the rest of the non-dance media that pours into our inboxes everyday. There are platforms out there, BUT we as the members of the dance world have to use it, have to promote it, have to take the time to document and post so the dance world is fertilized by the greatness that already exists within it.
The dance world is full of amazing projects, performances and events. But unless we have an effective platform to share these experiences and their documentation, the efforts can be easily overlooked, forgotten, or subsumed by the rest of the non-dance media that pours into our inboxes everyday. There are platforms out there, BUT we as the members of the dance world have to use it, have to promote it, have to take the time to document and post so the dance world is fertilized by the greatness that already exists within it.
How you can help the dance world through social media: Pick your Platform
Twitter:
is for word people. I like calling it micro blogging. 140 characters to
get to the heart of the point and share a link to more info. Can you
have in depth conversations in 140 characters? No. But, you can link to
articles and discussion forums and blogs that do. And, you might
surprise yourself by what you can express in such few characters.
Facebook:
is used most for friends, family, and promotion of events. It combines text, image
and video. Then isn't it the best if it does it all? Well... FB tends
to be used for personal communication more than professional
communication, so your audience is subject to both aspects if your life
(if you choose to use it this way). It can be confusing and things can be lost in the shuffle of people posting images of their tasty dinners.
Vine:
is a video app in which you share 6 second videos that are looped. What
vine figure out it that most anything is funny when it is looped
endlessly in 6 sec increments. Vine is not about words, it is about
catching and sharing a moment. This could be interesting for dance, but so far I haven't connected with a "dance scene" on Vine.
Linked
in: a place for your résumé. However, I recently learned that it is
searchable by Google (unlike some other social media sites). Which can be
great for branding and getting your business identity more exposure.
Google+: is kinda like FB, except you get to put people in categories so that
you can communicate with your colleagues differently that your family or
friends. It also has great tools for conference chatting (Google Hangouts), community
forums for groups or clubs with access to google drives as well. Can
you tell if is my new favorite thing? (BTW join the DACCC* today!)
There
are others and each has different perks, but the key is not what the
program is as much as WHO is using it. When you connect with people on Social Media in a meaningful way, that platform gains more importance in your life, and you are
likely to keep using it. But,
if you don't use it, you are not going to get anything out of it. People
need to share their ideas, questions and comments in order for the
machine to work at all. And, everyone has something to share. But, also we need to share beyond our immediate circles!
So, today I challenge you to choose your platform of choice and post your answer to one or more of the following dance related question:
What
topic about dance has been on your mind? What questions surround this
topic? What are you current experiences with it? What have you learned?
What new understanding have you gained?
Keep
your post short and to the point. Share with your colleagues. Then, and most importantly,
find and respond to two posts (outside of your immediate circle) and share them with your own community. What did you like/ dislike about them? Start the discussion.
Notice whether this process gave you a deeper understanding of your topic/question? Did you learn something new in the process?
Notice whether this process gave you a deeper understanding of your topic/question? Did you learn something new in the process?
Of course you did! This is the power of sharing.
Go on! Post!
Beth
*DACCC- Dance Association for California Community Colleges
Go on! Post!
Beth
*DACCC- Dance Association for California Community Colleges
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
You are My Witness
Part of blogging for me is about getting ideas organized and out of my head. Sometimes they are sweet, fun and joyful other times they are thick, heavy and soaked in my mind's slop. I started this blog because I felt I had something to say, about teaching, dance, meditation, life, whatever. I didn't really know at that point what I was going to write. I just knew I had to take the leap and put my words out there. But, I didn't want to impose my thoughts on people; so, a blog seemed like a harmless way to put my thoughts out to the world. People could take them or leave them at will. No personal offense taken either way. And, this blog still serves this function. But, I have since learned it is something more. You are something more.
You are also my witness.
By writing things out, I not only sort them out for myself, but I am held true to my word because I have you as my witness. Although, I may not know all my readers by name. I see that people are reading and this is powerful stuff for me as a mindfulness practitioner.
In describing my experience of the world to you, I can better see things as they are. By putting my experiences down into this blog, they become more real, because they are real not only for me but now for you as you share in this experience. I feel bound to be honest because I am honored that you take the time to read. I know this isn't a new concept, and I am sure there are thousands upon thousands of blog entries saying exactly this (with different words). But, I am now saying it to you. I am experiencing this internet sanga for the first time in the first person, and I want to say thank you.
You give me the gift of being my witness, through the joys and through the shit.
Life really is like a road trip: always more fun with friends.
Namaste
You are also my witness.
By writing things out, I not only sort them out for myself, but I am held true to my word because I have you as my witness. Although, I may not know all my readers by name. I see that people are reading and this is powerful stuff for me as a mindfulness practitioner.
In describing my experience of the world to you, I can better see things as they are. By putting my experiences down into this blog, they become more real, because they are real not only for me but now for you as you share in this experience. I feel bound to be honest because I am honored that you take the time to read. I know this isn't a new concept, and I am sure there are thousands upon thousands of blog entries saying exactly this (with different words). But, I am now saying it to you. I am experiencing this internet sanga for the first time in the first person, and I want to say thank you.
You give me the gift of being my witness, through the joys and through the shit.
Life really is like a road trip: always more fun with friends.
Namaste
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The Clicking in My Throat
I have gone through different phases of my life in which I "believe" in the chakras of the body. While going to massage school and receiving Reiki transmission, I really owned the idea of the energetic centers of the body. Since then, they have moved in and out prominence in my mind.
But, recently I have had a sequence of experiences and observations that have put them back at the forefront of my radar. This time focus is on the 5th Chakra or throat Chakra. The center for the voice, communication, expression and in some ways creativity.
Here's the History:
I developed a clicking in my throat (when swallowing) about 4 years ago. I had been ill with a cough and cold, and I developed a clicking near the hyoid bone (the floating bone in the throat). I supposed it would go away when the swelling of the tissues went down. But, much to my dismay, it never did.
It isn't a painful clicking. Just annoying.
One of the benefits of meditation for me is the relaxation in the throat and jaw often results in a "lack of click" when I swallow. Upon postural analysis, I discovered part of the click is due to my forward head posture, which is also only about 4 years old. So, when I practice seated meditation in alignment, with my skull balanced and the throat relaxed, the clicking lessens or disappears (for a while at least).
The Dream:
All this is background for a dream I had last night. I was teaching a large dance class, and I couldn't be heard over the chatter of the students. They weren't listening and were not going to stop talking just because I was about to start. I screamed at them (totally unlike me in the real classroom) "Be Quiet!" "Listen" and then "Shut up!" They still talked I walked over to talking students and tapped them on the shoulder trying to get them to turn around and listen. But, once I did others were talking, then others and others. I couldn't be loud enough, I couldn't be heard. I was panicked and frustrated. Angry more than anything.
But upon waking I realized, this all relates to the throat Chakra. The was the second dream with this theme in the past two weeks. Clearly, I feel the need to be heard, to speak my mind, to express myself. The irony, is that I am dutifully and respectfully heard by most of my students. I don't have these issues in waking life. So, what the heck was this all about?
Conclusion:
I have concluded that somehow, my move to the LA area (5 years ago) triggered a note of insecurity in me. I knew this as it was happening, but just pushed through and did my best at the time. But, the result has been an ever growing fear of "losing my voice." LA is so big and there are so many people with so many ideas. Mine seem so feeble in comparison. It could be that I want to be heard, but I think more accurately that I want to trust that I have something worthy of being said. That I have the strength and conviction to speak my mind and express myself with confidence.
Choreographing Chicago (the spring musical) has put me face to face with my need express myself and not merely "do the job" as choreographer or as a person. I want to be heard, but I first have to stop and listen to myself.
The clicking in my throat is my reminder to trust the 5th Chakra. To trust my voice and to speak from the seat of the soul. And perhaps, with time and practice it and the fear I think it represents will disappear also.
But, recently I have had a sequence of experiences and observations that have put them back at the forefront of my radar. This time focus is on the 5th Chakra or throat Chakra. The center for the voice, communication, expression and in some ways creativity.
Here's the History:
I developed a clicking in my throat (when swallowing) about 4 years ago. I had been ill with a cough and cold, and I developed a clicking near the hyoid bone (the floating bone in the throat). I supposed it would go away when the swelling of the tissues went down. But, much to my dismay, it never did.
It isn't a painful clicking. Just annoying.
One of the benefits of meditation for me is the relaxation in the throat and jaw often results in a "lack of click" when I swallow. Upon postural analysis, I discovered part of the click is due to my forward head posture, which is also only about 4 years old. So, when I practice seated meditation in alignment, with my skull balanced and the throat relaxed, the clicking lessens or disappears (for a while at least).
The Dream:
All this is background for a dream I had last night. I was teaching a large dance class, and I couldn't be heard over the chatter of the students. They weren't listening and were not going to stop talking just because I was about to start. I screamed at them (totally unlike me in the real classroom) "Be Quiet!" "Listen" and then "Shut up!" They still talked I walked over to talking students and tapped them on the shoulder trying to get them to turn around and listen. But, once I did others were talking, then others and others. I couldn't be loud enough, I couldn't be heard. I was panicked and frustrated. Angry more than anything.
But upon waking I realized, this all relates to the throat Chakra. The was the second dream with this theme in the past two weeks. Clearly, I feel the need to be heard, to speak my mind, to express myself. The irony, is that I am dutifully and respectfully heard by most of my students. I don't have these issues in waking life. So, what the heck was this all about?
Conclusion:
I have concluded that somehow, my move to the LA area (5 years ago) triggered a note of insecurity in me. I knew this as it was happening, but just pushed through and did my best at the time. But, the result has been an ever growing fear of "losing my voice." LA is so big and there are so many people with so many ideas. Mine seem so feeble in comparison. It could be that I want to be heard, but I think more accurately that I want to trust that I have something worthy of being said. That I have the strength and conviction to speak my mind and express myself with confidence.
Choreographing Chicago (the spring musical) has put me face to face with my need express myself and not merely "do the job" as choreographer or as a person. I want to be heard, but I first have to stop and listen to myself.
The clicking in my throat is my reminder to trust the 5th Chakra. To trust my voice and to speak from the seat of the soul. And perhaps, with time and practice it and the fear I think it represents will disappear also.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)