Spirit of Learning (Recent thoughts on Education)

(I wrote this for my students but it certainly applies to all of life.)

Go! Do! Be More! Faster! Harder! Aaaaaaah!

It seems the world is pushing us to hurry up and . . . what?  . . . be successful?
What does that even mean?

I have been reading a very interesting book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F---K, by Mark Manson. Despite its punchy title, it is a powerful little book that puts into perspective what it is we are here to do in this lifetime and what really matters. I highly recommend it.

The reason I bring it up is that I have found recently that many students have forgotten what it really means to get an education. News Flash: Education is not merely preparing to have a job.  If you are well educated it is more likely you will get a job, but education does not have the explicit goal of getting you a job. Training will get you a job. Education will give you quality of life. 

The Spirit of Learning is the spirit of real education. And, that is what I am most interested in as a teacher, as a human!.  What is the bigger picture here? So, when you submit an assignment (as crazy making as it can seem) it is not about the length, it is not about the number of sentences, words, characters. Everything you turn in for credit is an opportunity to show me that you are putting in the time to investigate the content of the course and most importantly how it changes you, your views, your appreciation. your world! This is the stuff that will enrich your life and make it meaningful.
Counting points to get that A (or B or C) will only torment you. That is not the spirit of learning.
I promise that if you do your best to communicate the spirit of your learning in each and every assignment the grade will follow. Because you will actually be learning.

Things that require you to work hard are thing worth having. Freebies are transient and disposable.  They may make you happy in the short term, but they will not make you happy in the long term.

Give yourself a chance to enjoy your education.

3 Tips for the Spirit of Learning

Ask yourself:
1. "What is the goal of this assignment?" "Why would my teacher assign it to me?" Answer those question within your submission.

2. "How am I representing myself in my work?" "Do I express that I learned something from the assigned reading?" "Do I honor the process with full sentences and grammar?" Ensure your submission reflects your mature thinking and values.

3. "Is there a way I could actually make this FUN?" That doesn't mean you have to spend MORE time on the assignment, it is about your ability to enjoy the challenge and/or process while you are working. (In fact it might actually take you less time working this way. . . just sayin')

When life has become a job. Even the fun stuff.

So, I made a huge revelation today.

I hate advertising, marketing, promoting, recruiting, and selling.  Those of you who know me personally, know that I don't use a word like hate freely. Dislike is about as strong as I go in most situations. So, for me to hate something is pretty big. Actually, its darn right colossal.

I am a creator. I love to generate ideas, make dances, write documents, design newsletter, etc.  What I hate is trying to convince someone that what I have done is worth their time, money or attention.  This commodification of the creative process eats at me; it burns up my life force and makes me really really sad.

Now, I know enough about marketing to reverse the perspective and say things like-- It is just sharing my "gift" with the world. It is letting people know of the great things I have planned or organized.  It is not about me or the event; it is about the person who is looking for something like this and wants to know about this event. . . needs to know about this event.

This things is, I don't know if I believe that.  From where I am sitting, I see throngs of people with overfull lives and no wiggle room for adding anything onto their agenda. They are too busy, too stressed, too strapped and even if they want to participate, their sleep deprivation is telling them otherwise. The supply out weighs the demand. There is more to do than anyone wants to do.

Life has become a job. Even the fun stuff. 

I will not guilt people into doing something.  I will not scare someone into doing something. I will not alienate them or devalue them as individuals if they choose not to do something. I believe in personal choice and personal freedom. I don't like manipulating someone into thinking they need something they don't want.  I can't do it. I won't do it.  Just the thought of it creeps me out!

I can't force anyone to do anything. I wouldn't want to. 

Here is the reality. I get sad when people don't come to my shows or to my events. It makes me sad that others do not see the value I see in the things to which I dedicate my time and energy. It triggers a deep sense of unworthiness in me. In my most downtrodden moments I wonder: Is it because I am just not good enough?  Maybe.  Or maybe I am fantastic-- but just a terrible promoter. 

What I know is that I believe in the things I do. I love doing them. I just don't have it in me to promote; I don't want to market; I don't want to convince; and, I certainly don't want to sell anything.  I have to detach from the outcome. I have to love the work so much that I would do it alone in a room with the lights out. A teacher of mine asked: what does a person do when they have made something no one wants? Like a hostess who has prepared a fabulous desert for a group of guests who just aren't that hungry.

The guests are not to blame because they are not hungry.

The hostess is not to blame for being generous and caring.

But, what happens to all that extra cake?

I don't know. I just don't know.

Losing the Illusion

I often fall prey to comparison.  And, not in a healthy way.  Because I do many different things, my time is divided. Because, of the split focus, I often feel I should go deeper into each aspect of my work.  I often wish I could/would spend more time on my choreography, on my lesson plans, on my writing, on my advocacy. So, when I see others who devote themselves entirely to one thing with great success, I feel like my attempts are somewhat pathetic in comparison.  But, that is changing, slowly.

And, it is changing because I am realizing how others do the same thing with me.  In a recent blog I wrote about the student who asked how I manage to have so much energy.  I explained to her that I don't! The same week in a CFR class a fellow classmate described her impression of me being totally relaxed and comfortable, when in fact I was hugely uncomfortable and working really hard at the time.  I am beginning to understand that others are elevating me in the same way that I have often elevated others.

And, I won't stand for it!

This misperception leads to too much suffering! It seems most everyone imagines that everyone else is happier, healthier, more balanced, more relaxed, smarter, more talented, more creative, blah, blah blah.

We can't ever know someone else's experience.  And, even if we did. It ultimately doesn't matter, because we only live in this body, in this experience, in this time and place.  And, if we let it, we can feel the richness of our lives, full and vibrant in every moment (including the crummy ones).  Full is full.  And, we are full just as we are.

In this moment, doing whatever it is we are doing, we are full if we are fully present.  Our experience can't exist on a good or bad continuum, because that devalues our whole self, which is forever rich and complex.  If we can truly let go of our desire to know what is outside of ourselves and instead become fully occupied with what is inside of us, we have a chance at dissolving the illusions that cause us suffering.

We don't have to believe that there is always a "better" way.  What if there was just "this" way?  Then when we are tired, we are just tired. We don't have to try to be like that energetic person we see beside us.  Then, when we are struggling we are just struggling.  We don't have to wonder how that person can always smile all the time.  And, when we own our experiences fully then we get to experience the sweet moments just as fully.  When we are joyful, we are free to be joyful.  When we relaxed, we are free to be relaxed.  There is no illusion of the other being better.  Because there is no other than our current experience. The present moment is all that will ever be real.  The present moment is both fleeting and eternal.  The rest is smoke and mirrors.

Beth

Ownership - in a world of excess

Happy New Year! The dancing poetess is back.

And, this year I have set a strong intention of OWNERSHIP.  The idea of owning and ownership first came up last fall in my CFR work.  In this case, I was so frustrated with a part of my body that I had essentially disowned it completely. Ignoring it in a vain hope that it would somehow go away to fix itself.  Of course, it just doesn't work that way. 

And so the questions arose:  What does it mean to own something?  What does an owner do? 

To put it into context I thought about owning a pet (which I currently do not for many of the reasons below):
First, when you own a pet you must care for it regularly.  You must feed it as needed and clean up after it on a daily basis.  You must care for it at all costs under all circumstances, even when you are mad, even when you are tired, even when you are out of town.  In return, you get to love it and it loves you back. You receive the joy of interacting with it and all of its quirks and personalities.  But, when a pet is ill it can be heartbreaking, therefore, we must also be prepared to care for it during these special times, giving it extra time, attention and love.  Also, we must realize that our actions directly reflect the life of this being.  For instance if we overfeed our dog or cat, it is our responsibility to change the diet.  For its health and longevity.  Excess only makes it harder to properly care for something we own. 

So, now I am looking at the things I own in my life both physical and energetic/emotional.  Both came into practice when I decided to clean out my jewelry drawer.  I love jewelry (mostly funky, hippie stuff, cheap and of little value).  But, having so much of it was making it hard to appreciate what I owned. Much of it has gone unworn for years.  I had too much to properly care for what I had.  So I started giving and throwing things away as needed.  In this process I had to own my decision making for what was worth keeping and what needed to be giving away (even if I never wore it!). For more on my erroneous thinking behind saving things, read my blog Save the Blue Sweater. 

I moved onto my other drawers and then I hit the gold mine of excess-- the sock drawer. Or rather, the sock drawer and nearby basket full of various socks.  Immediately my mind went to the justification. 

I am a dancer. We often dance in socks and need a lot of them.  Plus, they get really dirty on the dance floor, and I need to keep some that are designated dance floor socks, right? Some socks have just the right texture for a marley dance floor, while others don't work at all, but are great with boots or other shoes.  I need all of these socks. Unless they have a hole, I can't give them away or throw them away.  

But, of course, the reality is that I don't need all of these socks. And, while I can't go back and un-wear them or un-buy them. I can throw out the old ones and make more space for what I do have. 

I went through this process with much of my small house. My husband Dan helped support me and also gave away much of his old or simply unused things.  We made space and through the process really owned the things we wanted in our lives.  While, the house purging was fantastic, the real value of this practice was in the process of practicing my sense of ownership. 

I had to own every decision I made about the things I want in my life.  I was exercising the muscle of ownership and conscious dis-ownership.  By practicing ownership I was practicing my personal power.  I was owning my personal power.  Even in this small way, for me it was a huge step.  It was a metaphor for they way I have been ignoring other aspects of my life and not owning them.

Now, I see much more clearly how I want to honor chosen aspects of my life and my person with my time, attention and care. And, how, more will only make it more difficult to do so. 

What exists in your life that you might not be owning right now?  Do you own your body? your time? your things? your decisions? your power?  Are you giving the care-taking energy these thing deserve?  

Happy New Year,
Beth

Agency: Remembering You Have It

I have recently become enthralled with the word of agency. And, I am not just talking about an office full of paperwork where you sign on the line. Agency is also a term that encompasses our power to choose and act. 

Lesser used definitions of agency read as follows:
(from the online Miriam Webster dictionary) 

the capacity, condition, or state of acting or of exerting power 

and 

a person or thing through which power is exerted or an end is achieved

Ultimately agency is about our personal power. Agency is how we exert ourselves in the world, making choices about how, what, where, and when we do what we do.  We each have agency over our lives. I describe it to my students to remind them of the fact that they can walk out of the dance classroom at anytime.  No one is holding a gun to their head.  It is there choice to be in the room.  It is their choice to learn.  It is their choice grow and improve. And, it is their sense of personal agency that gives them the power to make these and other important choices.

Feeling like a victim is completely un-fun.  When I find myself feeling pressed for time, or frustrated with my work load, or just plain exhausted, I remind myself of my agency. I remind myself that I have the power to make my own decisions, and I am not a victim.  What this does is shift my thinking away from the heaviness of the moment and put me in a place of power.  I get to choose whether I want to do my work or not. I get to choose if I want to nap or not. I get to choose whether I write this blog or not.  These are all my choices.  

But, agency is coupled with the fact that there are real consequences to all that we do.  In order to not be a victim, we must be able to process the fact that certain behaviors come at a cost (and some with a very high price tag).  For instance, it is my choice whether to skip out on a meeting or a rehearsal, but that choice may mean losing out on the big picture. It may mean losing a friend, losing a part or loosing a job.  

But, in knowing that it is my choice, I get to ask myself "is it worth it?'  

This is the key to finding your own sense of autonomy and self worth.  Being a victim is essentially a cop out to owning our power and putting ourselves first in a giving situation.  When we complain as victims we have given up our agency.  Unless you literally have a gun to your head (or other life threatening situation), you have the choice.  

I have had a gun pointed at me. I was mugged when I was 21 in Solana Beach outside a club at 2am. In that moment, I had little agency.  I was a victim and as a result got my purse stolen but stayed alive.  That was a real-victim situation.  But, the rest of my life when I have felt like a victim, I have actually just made myself a victim. I chose the self definition of victim so I wouldn't have to own my personal power, so I didn't have to own the possibility of making a mistake or otherwise upsetting those around me (disappointed teacher, angry boyfriend, critical boss).  

Believing in your own autonomy and exercising your personal agency is tough!

It means that you have to love and respect yourself enough to make a decision.  But, when you make a decision that is rooted in your own self trust and self love, it feels good. It feels right.  It lets you go to sleep at night with a sense of ease.  There is comfort in knowing that you have a choice.  And, when I realize I have a choice I am reminded of what is really important.  Yes, I may feel stressed from a day at work, but I love teaching, and I choose to be there.  Even on the toughest day, I choose to be there.  When I feel tired and like I don't want to exercise, I am reminded that I exercise to feel better.  Or, when I am tired and just want to sleep, I can choose to do exactly that.  

Right and wrong is irrelevant. Honoring of yourself and acting in congruence with your values and life purpose is what matters.  

Knowing you have the choice makes the choice a lot easier.  

Beth

94 Days to Live!

Less than 100!  (HOLY *%$#!)

Yes, my year to live has taken me through fall, to winter, to spring and now summer. I only have a little over 3 months left.  What is to be done about?

Hell, if I know.

The reality of having a year to live has come in and out of my awareness over the past 270 days.  Some days I feel acutely aware of having limited time here on earth, other days, I rush through without a second glance, not even pausing to notice another 24 hours gone off the clock. 

Admittedly, I have completely forgotten to rip of the days of my calendar for the past 25 days.  And, Kapow!  I crossed the 100 days mark, and hadn't even noticed.  What was I doing during this time? I was working.

Working in a wonderful and very rewarding and satisfying way, but I was working so hard and so focused on my project (updating my Online Dance Appreciation course) that I barely checked email, ignored all social media and even this blog which actually had reader comments! (Thank you, by the way! I really do love the feedback and support).

So, 5 days passed. Silently and under the radar. Yes, I wrote a ton of HTML code and managed to create a whole new learning tool for my class.  But, I had virtually severed by awareness to time.  Computers are strange things, you really can lose your life to them.  Dangerous.  And wonderful. And dangerously wonderful.  

94 days.

Imagine, what can a person do in 94 days?  What do I want to do in 94 days? What is the most important thing I can do? For myself? For my family? For the world?

As I sit here asking myself this question, my mind runs blank.  It could be fear. It could be fatigue (from looking a computer non stop for 5 days). . . It could be. . . ok fine. . . Let's face it. . .  it's fear.

Fear of what? Fear that I can't do enough in 94 days. Fear that I don't want to do anything? Fear that my body still hurts? Fear that I won't have been good enough.  Being a human is darn tough.  

I don't know the answers.

But, let's start with something before I give up on this post.

Let's identify what I do know:
1.  People matter.  (Family, Friends, Strangers.)
2.  Love matters.  (Sending it into the world to cause ripples of kindness)
3.  Art matters.  (It's how we make sense of the world and our place in it)
4.  Nature matters.  (This world is precious, it must be loved too)
5.  Forgiveness matters.  (and, it matters toward yourself the most)

What would you do with 100 days to live?  Think of it basically as the rest of summer.

You got summer babe, whatcha gonna do with it?!?

Beth

Oh, and if you teach dance, you should consider teaching our new and improved Online Dance Appreciation Course, because the 5 days I gave up in my year to live I gave up because DANCE MATTERS!  And, dance literacy is what I have to give to the world. 

Denying the LIfe That Is - 287 Days Left

Of course, I remember the past 2 weeks. I actually did a lot! It involved Thanksgiving turkey, rehearsals, getting a cold, rainy days, and grading papers among other things.

But, this is my year to live! And, yesterday I had to come to terms with that fact that while I was living I had forgotten to rip off two weeks worth of days from my Year to Live Calendar!  2 weeks! Fourteen days! Gone. 

I could have ripped them off all together and been done with it. I mean, I had been busy. I thought to myself:  It was the holidays, I got sick, I was distracted, my back was injured.  . .

True, but that is not the point.  I didn't rip them off all at once in a stack.

I ripped them off one by one. Counting out 14 days of missed life. 

But, I was living! Wasn't I??

Well, yes and no. I realized that while I was busy "living" and enduring colds, tough dental work appointments and an injury to my low back, I had forgotten to take note of each passing day, and I had let 2 weeks go by in a blink! I had been so good about ripping the pages off daily.  I needed to figure out what had changed.  Was I just because I was busier and more challenged? 

No.  

I realized that these past two weeks, starting with a re-aggravated lower back, I was denying the life that is.  My life.

I was closing myself off (and losing days of my life) because I didn't like that I was "living" a life of pain.  Better to ignore the whole thing, right?

No.

There will always be issues, there will always be pain. I was in denial of my current state of living and in so doing I was denying my life as a whole.  Yet, as much as I know pain is a part of human life, going through days in pain is not easy.  Intellectual understanding of pain doesn't make the pain go away.  And, no amount of wishing it would heal faster will make it heal faster. 

But seeing the white pages of the calendar dropping in the trash one by one was a wake up call that time will still pass whether I acknowledge it or not.  So, if I am going to enjoy this "Year to Live" I need to wake up and not let an injury or a cold wipe away my days.  

I see now that, somewhere in my brain I thought that not taking off the calendar sheets on these pain filled days would somehow magically make the world stop spinning and the days stop passing.  But, that is not how time works.  Back pain or no, today is the only thing that matters.  I have to make the most of it (whatever that means to me today). So tonight when I rip off the date and watch number 287 float into the trash bin, I can feel good about my efforts to experience it all.

A Year to Live - Stones for Change

Of course changing habits is hard! There are a million books written on the subject.  I've probably read at least 20 of them over the past 10 years.  I like the books. They give me hope that things can change.  They make it seem possible.

But, merely reading the books doesn't help.

The only way to make change is to practice.

So, I devised a system to help me keep track of my progress. But this system is a little different, because it sits in front of me everyday on my coffee table as a reminder.  A physical 3-dimensional reminder that I am on a path to change.  It looks like this. . . 



Yes, bowls filled with stones!

Here is the premise:  I started with 44 stones in my Growth Bowl.  This visually represents the practice I need to accomplish to make the changes I want to make.  When I practice good behaviors I transfer a stone from the Growth Bowl to the Success Bowl*. 

In my case, I have chosen 3 ways to earn a stone. 

     1.  I can eat at home the whole day to save money and make healthier choices.
     2.  I can go to the gym for cardio.
     3. I can take a walk around the High Road (the 1 1/2 mile loop around the Brandeis Bardin Campus where I live).

But!  The stones can go both ways! If I exhibit less healthy behaviors, I have to return a stone to the Growth Bowl (reminding me I have more practice to do).  However, the key is not to punish myself if I make a poor choice, but to recognize that my choices, both healthy and unhealthy, have a cumulative effect, and that I am looking for the overall success. 

I "lose" a stone a few ways:

     1.  I eat out more than 1x a day.  (3 meals out = 2 stones!)
     2.  I eat a gluttonous amount. (usually because I eat while I'm tired or stressed out)
     3.  I eat more than one sweet a day. 

For me this practice is all about moderation and the visual representation that I am making more healthy choices than unhealthy ones.  The result of course gives me confidence that I can make changes and the changes make me feel good. 

The best lesson is the act of taking a moment to pause and think before I make a decision.  Do I really want to spend money eating out? Do I really want that second brownie? Will taking a walk before bed reduce my stress level? Of course, I know the answer, but this holds me accountable to my value set.

Earning stones is my way of practicing awareness in my life and learning to be mindful of how I want to exist in the world.  My stones have to do with living a healthy lifestyle in the areas where I think I need growth, but this practices could be done with any behavior.  My husband has his own set of stones (in white bowls) and doing it together is fun.  Some days I earn more stones than he does and other days he earns more than I do. But, it encourages us both to stay awake and alert of our actions as we go through our days. 

We also will gift each other a stone for exceptional behavior that is not on the list.  For instance, if he helps a friend with yard work or I have a particularly productive dance rehearsal.  This allows us to be flexible in our growth and see all aspects of our lives through the mindful lens. 

Today I have earned 3 stones.   
     1. 20 min Yoga in the morning
     2.  Afternoon walk around the High Road
     3.  Eating only fresh foods at home!

*Note: I think it is key that the terminology of the bowls be positive on both sides.  Growth gives me hope that I can grow to change. If I labeled it "Bad" I would likely abandon ship-- Just writing about it gives me a heavy heart.  Think positive for lasting change! 

Side note:  Why 44 stones?  Because we only had 88 on hand so we divided them equally.

A Year to Live - 323 Days Left

Don't worry! I am not ill, and I hopefully have many, many more years to live.

But, what if I didn't?  What if this was my last November, my last Channukah, Christmas, New Years, Birthday. . . ?  I have started a practice with my spirituality group called "A Year To Live" inspired by Stephen Levine's book with the same name.  Of course we are doing it our Buddhist inspired way, but the essential questions remain the same. 

How can I live my life to the fullest? . . . What does that even mean? 

I started my year to live on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, and I am now down to 323 days left.  It's been a while since I have posted to this blog because this first month has been a doosey as I have reorganized my thinking, my approach to life and in some ways the contents of my life. 

I started by calculating the total hours it would take for me to do everything I want to do in a week.  I turns out I would need some 121 hours a week (and that was without allotting time for meals or family).  Alas, I am only awake approximately 105 hours a week. So, therein was the first problem I identified in my quality of life. I wanted to do too many things and in result everything suffered and most of all I suffered.  I was losing integrity.  And, fast. 

So I made the difficult cuts to things I enjoyed in my life but just didn't have time for.  Sadly, my yoga membership and my participation in the Razor Babes was among them.  But, I simply couldn't live the rest of my "year to live" feeling overwhelmed and generally disappointed in myself for not being able to accomplish everything I wanted to in a week. I was doomed to failure, by the mere math of there not being enough waking hours! 

But, simplifying was just the first step.  The "year to live" perspective has permeated most of my daily decisions.  Now I find myself asking how I want to live my life starting with the here and now.

How do I want this moment to be? To feel?

How do I want this evening to be?

This day? This week?

The good news is that I believe I am on track with most of my life decisions. I love teaching, I love creating dances and I love learning.  I have loving relationships with my husband and family.  In general, I am living the way I want to live in the big scheme of things.  But, the little stuff is what gets me from time to time. Getting caught up in the illusions that cause anxiety. The demands of the moment that feel like life and death, but really are trivial, silly or simply not worth my time. 

This practice is, however, not as simple as it seems.  It is often hard to see the truth of the situation, to dig past the eye catching details of the moment and see the essentials of life as it is.  I still have bad days. I still have moments of insecurity and uncertainty. But, this practice has already changed my attitude toward myself, others and the world. 

I won't last forever; no one will.  This too shall pass. I shall pass. The joys, the suffering, the clarity, the confusion, the life, the death.  It is all transient.

So, what do we make of the here and now?  

The present.  The gift of being present. 

One Car Family

Yes, my dear hubby and I have made the switch. We are now a one care family (well couple).  He sold his beautiful Lexus and now we are relegated to my 2001 gold Nissan Sentra (snazzy).  We call her Rum Toddy.

Why, you might ask, did we elect to do such an egregious thing as lose a Lexus and keep a Sentra?  Well, we are pragmatists. And, we are savers.  The Sentra simply made the most financial sense.  (As tragic as it was seeing the Lexus -- which we affectionately called Pearlescence-- go). Sigh.

It was not my idea, it was my husbands actually. Over thanksgiving break he read a book of mine called "How to Live Well Without Owning a Car".  It is a great book. Financially very convincing. So convincing in fact that we decided to make a go of it.  Well, we decided to have only one car for the two of us. 

The key to not owning a car is that you have to be able to reliably get to work without a car.  Everything else can be figured out.  And, by NOT having a car, you have more money to do exactly that and in fact live a better/ higher standard of living and happiness as a result.  A compelling argument to say the least.

Well, the hubby has only to walk about 200 yards to his office everyday so there you go.  We meet the essential criteria for NOT owning a car.  But, the effect has been interesting.  For one, we have already become better planners, and that is a very good thing for me.  We talk about how we can both get places we need or want to go.  Often there is compromise and on his part because I will have the car at work all day on some days, but the benefits exist and have been wonderful.  My favorite benefit is that we get to talk to each other more. We get be in each others presence as we carpool in one direction or the other.  It is actually really swell.  Car time can be processing time, play time, and quiet time listening time.  We don't ever hold "deep" conversations or try to address conflicts in the car, it is just time to let ideas come and go. We get to share with each other in a relaxed way, safe from other household disruptions and distractions.

Our car talks are  a form of enjoyable decompressing.  We get to plan our next meal together or make plans for the rest of the day or evening.  We get to be close to each other and breath a little.  We notice things like hawks flying overhead, funny cars, crazy antics of other drivers.  It becomes processing time and bonding time.

The financial benefits of course will be felt more long term, but for now I am really enjoying it.  Of course I am the one who has the car the most.  Sure I should probably do more of the driving, but he often offers because he isn't driving his car all day long!  So far, I am very happy and will keep you posted as we venture forth one car at a time.

Happy Valentine's Day!

If I were a poem. . .

If I were a poem I would probably not rhyme
not even slant
because its just too much work to give up the right word just so the sound can rebound
But I might have a groove, a rhythm of sorts.
Long short long,
short short short long,
long, long, long
Whatever it would be, it would most definitely be awesome.

If I were a picture, I would probably be in color.
Frustrating for me because
My most favorite pictures are in black and white.
This would bum me out because I would never be able to live up to my own black and white standards
Still, I might be a landscape, with tall trees
Or I might be a portrait of a girl on a swing.
it's hard to tell. . .

If I were a film, I would 100% be a short.
Even though I am tall, I know for sure that I would be a short
Maybe as short as 3 minutes.
20 at the max
I would be filmed in long steady shots, maybe even one shot.  One long image developing its way across the screen and into the hearts of the audience.
People might marvel at my beauty, but the key to me would be the poignancy of it all.  Some might call it elitist, erudite or pretentious. But,
It would undoubtedly be powerful and people would notice. 

If I were a postcard, I would be sent from Australia,
Not that I've been to Australia, but the dry earth and clear sky would mimic my fair, sensitive skin next to my blue-grey eyes
Plus, it seems like a jovial place, and I like being jovial.
Also, I love space and from what I have been told, there is a lot of it there. 
I would read G'Day and include an image of a rocky land formation
I would be sent overseas, to Spain or Germany

If I were a dance, I would mostly likely be an unpredictably eclectic blend of Modern and Jazz
People wouldn't know what to call me. 
So they wouldn't, and instead they would describe me as charming and fun.
Or they might say they liked the humor (aka complete ridiculousness of the whole work) and the costumes. 
I would wear sneakers or go barefoot unless the floor had splinters.
However, if at all possible, I would spend a good portion on the floor
rolling about in ways that were essentially meaningless and largely uninteresting to watch but were fun to do.
People would sit through these patiently, waiting for me to get on with the theatrical, funny stuff.
I would take my time rolling but feel guilty about it the whole time

If I were a short story, I would have only 4 characters, a girl, a boy, an old man and a dog.
The dog would go with the boy.
Most likely.
Or the girl, if she had short curly hair and went by Jo

If I were a house, I would be two stories, and spend all my time upstairs where the warm air collects on cooler evenings. 
I would have a garden, but feel sad when the alternately hot summers and cold winters burned the edges of the plants.
I would beg for new paint, but miss the paint chips that had collected at the corners
and the relocated family of Opossum that have been living below me happily for three seasons.  They are a sweet bunch, quiet and nurturing to each other.

If I were a piece of furniture, I would not be a couch, nor an ottoman, nor a rug, nor table, nor lamp, nor coffee table.  I would have to be a outside rocking chair because I love the flow of going back and forth and back and forth until I fall into the mists of dreams and memories, or fantasies of my life. 

The Challenge of Doing Less

Sometimes the solution to a problem is not doing more but doing less. But, Uggh! Why is not doing something so much harder than doing something? 

The whole "less is more philosophy" is certainly a principle I fully embrace in my choreography, but as I have been explaining in past blogs, it is something I have been struggling to embrace in my daily life.  And, now I see the same epidemic in nearly everyone around me. It seems everyone is doing too much and has a hard time accepting that not doing something is the healthier more balanced option.

For instance, a student came to me with an injury (the 3rd in a list of recent injuries) wondering what else she could do to help it heal.  I had to explain that her body wasn't hurting because it needed her to do more for it, but rather than it needed her to do less. To give it a rest and allow it to heal on its own.

But, when you are a busy bee (like this student and I are), you are used to taking an active role in all aspects of your life. Therefore, choosing to refrain or become passive is a tough pill to swallow.  If only there was a real "tough pill" to swallow!  That would be easier than suffering doing nothing at all.  Because then, at least, you would be doing something.

So, I asked her when she had time to rest. She said Saturday she had nothing. . . only three hours of rehearsal.  ONLY 3 hours of rehearsal?!? What is the world coming to that 3 hours of challenging dancing is nothing? 

You can't rush healing, whether it be physical, emotional or psychological. Yet, if you are like me you want a quick fix (or at least a guaranteed fix), like "take this supplement 3x a day and you will be better, do this stretch before and after each class and you will feel like new in approximately a day and half."  But, instead, the prescription is to stop, quiet yourself, listen and wait. 

Meditation is exactly this. The practice of doing less.

Next time you feel imbalanced ask yourself: Does this concern call for doing more or doing less?

Chances are the harder option (whether it be more or less) is probably the right one.



 

You are My Witness

Part of blogging for me is about getting ideas organized and out of my head.  Sometimes they are sweet, fun and joyful other times they are thick, heavy and soaked in my mind's slop.   I started this blog because I felt I had something to say, about teaching, dance, meditation, life, whatever. I didn't really know at that point what I was going to write. I just knew I had to take the leap and put my words out there.  But, I didn't want to impose my thoughts on people; so, a blog seemed like a harmless way to put my thoughts out to the world. People could take them or leave them at will. No personal offense taken either way. And, this blog still serves this function.  But, I have since learned it is something more. You are something more.

You are also my witness.

By writing things out, I not only sort them out for myself, but I am held true to my word because I have you as my witness. Although, I may not know all my readers by name. I see that people are reading and this is powerful stuff for me as a mindfulness practitioner. 

In describing my experience of the world to you, I can better see things as they are. By putting my experiences down into this blog, they become more real, because they are real not only for me but now for you as you share in this experience.  I feel bound to be honest because I am honored that you take the time to read.  I know this isn't a new concept, and I am sure there are thousands upon thousands of blog entries saying exactly this (with different words).  But, I am now saying it to you.  I am experiencing this internet sanga for the first time in the first person, and I want to say thank you. 

You give me the gift of being my witness, through the joys and through the shit. 

Life really is like a road trip: always more fun with friends.

Namaste

Checking one more thing off the list. . . Check!

I realized today that even if I go my full day and complete everything on my calendar, it is not enough.  It is that damn "to-do list" that gets me every time.  I think I am doing well and that I have everything covered, when BAM! I am hit with a reminder of some deadline that has past, some work that should have been completed, a letter of recommendation that needed to be written, a festival application that should have been turned in, a staff parking pass that should have been acquired, or placard of my office hours that should have been posted on my office door.  (Yes, it is already week three and I have yet to update them from last semester! I know! Don't judge!)

So, I need to learn this lesson.  Check one more thing off the list.  Just one.  Before I go to bed.  I need to make a habit of completing one more thing than I am used to in a day.  Getting through my day is simply not enough to keep me sane in the long run. 

For instance I have crazy Mondays this semester.  I start teaching at 8:00am.  Today I taught a total of 6hrs of dance technique before running another 5 1/2 hour rehearsal for the Musical.  (I'm actually really impressed that I made it through). So, I left the house at 7:30am and got home at 10:45pm.  A long day by any standards.

And, perhaps enough for any individual.  But. . .

Thinking this way lands me regularly in a hole of being frustrated and overwhelmed.  I feel perpetually behind as a result because I am barely staying afloat. Luckily I tend to rally and get thing done on time, but I don't want to live this way.  Always, perched precariously on the edge of disaster (which we all know would result when you don't post your office hours is time). 

In all seriousness, I am going to experiment this week, with doing one more thing (small thing) so I can feel more on top of my game and less like a puppet grasping at strings I can't control.  Tonight I checked my email.  I didn't have time to finish that task earlier in the day, and it is something I dislike doing to the extent that I will easily let it go 2 or 3 days if I am not careful.  (Free Advice: Leaving your email for 3 days is highly unrecommended as a teacher); and I think it brings me more anxiety and uneasiness that checking the darn thing.  So today, I checked it.  It wasn't that bad (and I had the energy buzzing from rehearsal to do it). 

Tomorrow I don't know what to-do item will be checked off, but there are plenty of them.  And, I figure in 7 days I will have checked off 7 of them.  That's a pretty darn good for me.  I'll take it.